The Laziness of the long distance blogger

I started this blog to chronicle my attempts to hit a little white ball around the countryside; unfortunately it was some considerable time since my last post before I went out for some ritual humiliation. For this reason, and sheer laziness, I have failed to update the blog.  

In the intervening period we went on holiday; Michelle and I went to Helsinki for a week at the end of January. We had a fantastic time, took in an ice hockey game and discovered a brilliant restaurant. As usual, we stayed at the Hotel Torni, the bar at the top of the tower giving a wonderful view of the city. There are some great photos below, including from the ‘loo with a view’

We booked our restaurants before leaving home, the Kappelli and Aino being two which we always visit. Kappelli isbeautiful, it is wonderfully lit and really is like dining in fairyland. Aino is just a fabulous place with excellent food. The third one was found by Michelle on line, the Chef and Sommelier and what a restaurant it is. It is tiny, only 20 covers, and the kitchen isn’t big enough to swing a mouse let alone a cat! But the food is unbelievable, most definitely Michelin class. The chef came out to explain every course but the price was about the same as the Aino and Kappelli. We will definitely be going back.

On the day before returning home, we went to see a  Jokerit ice hockey game and experienced something no Pompey fan had done for months, celebrated a win, a 3-1 defeat of SaiPa.

The following day it started snowing, it didn’t appear too bad but on the way to the airport it started getting heavier. We arrived 2 hours before our flight was due out and in that time the snow became very deep. Our departure time was put back by half an hour, which wasn’t too bad, but unfortunately the snow had caused a lot of delayed flights due to the need for the planes to be de-iced. By the time we left we were over 3 hours late; just showing that snow affects even countries who are geared up for it not just the UK, albeit they cope better.

The Pompey ownership saga was finally resolved, with the fans now owning the club. Michelle and I both made a small contribution and have bought our season tickets for our sojourn in League 2 (4th Division to all us purists!) Our last home game of the season had an attendance of over 18,000, not bad for an already relegated club! We both went to the last game too, at Shrewsbury, and had a fabulous weekend away.

I have been working locally recently, in Southampton, which means I have been able to get out and whack some little dimpled balls, of various colours, into inaccessible areas of the golf course.
My last couple of rounds have, for me, been exceptional. I have posted scores of 104 and 105 (with a little creative scoring, mainly due to a few duffed tee shots) and with a little more care I could have been below 100.

Last Sunday I actually achieved a genuine birdie on the the par 3 thirteenth. It was a magnificent tee shot finishing less than 3 feet from the hole. I did, for one brief glorious moment, think I was going to get a hole in one, but alas the ball went just past the hole. The day started with rain and it looked like we were going to get soaked, but by the time we were able to start the weather had picked up and we finished in glorious sunshine. We were delayed as there was a men's match scheduled to start not long after we arrived, so it was decided to wait until they had all gone out before we teed off. This allowed for a spot of lunch and a couple of pints, guaranteed to make for a more relaxed game!

We left it for 20 mins after the last match had started before we set off, I shot a 6 on both the first two holes, both par 5s so I was immensely pleased, especially as both tee shots had been wayward, one very short, the other long but into trees. The third hole was a disaster, 5 on a par 3. On arriving at the fourth we found that we had caught up with the match, there was a four ball on the fourth and another at the fifth tee waiting for the green to clear. It was clearly time for a break and the chance to enjoy the scenery in the now much improved weather. We knew there were three ladies following us, so we waited for them and allowed them to play through, not re-commencing until they had teed off on the fifth. The fourth hole is interesting; the green in over to the right, and set below the level, of the fairway.    It is possible to take on the green but there is rough around and before it, and a stream to the right. We took it on, Ross finished about 3 yards short in decent rough, and I was about 20 yards further back, again in easy rough. Unfortunately I duffed my second shot which went completely off the the other end of the green which is easily 100 feet long. I managed to rescue a one over par 5, Ross finished with a par.

I shall draw a discreet veil of the next three holes, they were unpleasant, from a golfing point of view, but I did recover with a 5 on the par four eighth. The ninth was its usual disaster but the tenth was a creditable 1 over par 5. A so-so eleventh and twelfth were followed by that wonderful birdie on the thirteenth. I had the chance, albeit a small one, of another on the par 3 fifteenth. My tee shot landed on the green 40 feet from the hole but I 3 putted for a 4. It was business as usual on the next two holes, however the last hole beckoned and since I had parred it on my last visit I was hoping to repeat the experience. The only problem was there was a gallery from, the now completed, men's match. The tee is much higher than the green, indeed you cannot see it from the tee, but it is a straight hole with the clubhouse right next to it. From the tee you can see the balcony of the clubhouse and on Sunday it was full. I hate playing with anyone watching, now there were nearly 30 people watching us play that last hole. To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was worried about standing on the tee with my feet apart! I did hit a reasonable shot, however, which landed a couple of inches off the fairway, leaving me with a clear 150 yard shot to the green. I took out my 5 iron and plonked the ball just short of the green but it rolled magnificently onto it just 20 feet from the hole. Ross had hit a truly brilliant tee shot and was aiming to put the ball close to the flag. Unfortunately, he completely duffed it and took two shots to get to the green, and promptly rolled off the other side. He hit a great shot to finish inches from the hole and finished with a 1 over par 5. I then took three putts to finish, as I said I hate a gallery, but was very pleased with a 5.

We wandered in and reflected on our round with a couple of pints, sat on the, now vacated, balcony. I never tire of the beauty of this golf course and sat in the sun with a pint in hand it looks even more magnificent.

This week we are going to try and get a few holes in one evening as Michelle and I are away in Devon for a wedding at the weekend. By the the end of the summer I am determined to be below 100, without the creative scoring. I shall try and relate my attempts, but then again laziness may take over again. If I get below 100, however, laziness will be residing in the nasty rough with most of my previous golf balls

Home at last!

I'm back from Dundee.

Hopefully the large elastic band which was tethering me to the place has now snapped, or at least weakened. I did manage to escape during my last visit, alas only for one day. That did allow me to celebrate my birthday, albeit over a week late.

My next site is unclear at present, it could be Des Moines in Iowa or it could be Southampton. At least Southampton is only just up the road allowing me to be home every night, even if I will have to put up with Saints fans ( or Scummers as they're affectionately known in these here parts). It will also have the benefit of me being able to watch Pompey, and play golf.

I'm now on holiday until the new year, so I should be able play before Christmas, provided the course is open. I have some nice new shiny yellow balls; which should, hopefully, stop me losing so many of the little buggers. Mind you that's only if the fairway fairies don't like the colour. I might even stand a chance of beating Ross as he hasn't played for a month either.

There are lots of events coming up this month; the obvious Christmas dos, and also three birthdays and our wedding anniversary. With that amount of booze my golf should improve no end.

With all that going on, the only time I want to see or hear the word 'Dundee' is either on the football results, a jar of marmalade or a cake.

Reluctantly ill and a loss of inspiration

It's been a while since my last blog. Unfortunately I haven't been very well and have only just managed to play a round of golf.

It started in Dundee, I came down with flu like symptoms on the Thursday before I was due  to come home to go on holiday. The symptoms got progressively worse until one night I was so cold and shivering that my teeth were chattering. A couple of hours later I was burning up.

On the Sunday morning, I managed to see a doctor, who said I just had flu and should take paracetamol for the headaches.

I don't know how I manged to go to work, but as I was the only one on site, there wasn't really much choice and as I was going home on the Wednesday, I carried on. Wednesday came, and i drove 500 miles home and virtually went straight to bed. Next morning I dragged myself along to see my own doctor, who took one look at me and said she was sending me for blood tests. She decided to test for lots of things, including Weil's Disease and Legionnaires! I was prescribed some hefty antibiotics as a precaution. As we were going on holiday to Cornwall the next day, I asked whether I should go, she replied that there were doctors in Cornwall so I should be ok.

Next morning, at 6 o'clock we set off. Michelle drove all the way to Bodmin while I slept. At Bodmin we stopped for breakfast, after which I took over the driving for the last 20 miles. It was at this point my doctor rang saying my blood tests were 'all over the place' and asked Michelle if I looked yellow! Apparently my liver functions were wrong and I had tested positive for the Epstein-Barr Virus. This is the virus which causes Glandular Fever. We were told to see a doctor ASAP. Michelle then rang the local doctor's in Padstow, where we were staying and we went straight there. My doctor faxed across the test results and the local doctor examined me and said I should go to the hospital in Truro the following day for more blood tests.

Having spent the Friday resting, well dozing on and off, Michelle drove me down to Truro for my blood tests. These were done and we waited for the results. They confirmed the EBV but also showed that my liver functions were getting better and the general level of infection was down; the antibiotics were doing the job.

The rest of the holiday was a bit of a washout for me; I spent most of the time sleeping in the flat and going to bed at 9pm! I had hardly any beer; which, considering the nearest pub was 10 feet away and there are 5 more within 2 minutes walk is unheard of for me. By Wednesday I was feeling a liitle better and managed a few pints and was able to enjoy out last day on the Thursday before driving home on the Friday. We left early as I had arranged a hospital appointment for the Friday afternoon. This was because my Keratitis had flared up in my left eye, a nasty little viral problem which lurks waiting for the immune system to drop before striking.

Still feeling drained of energy, I went to see my doctor on the Monday morning, more blood tests were arranged and she signed me off sick for 2 weeks. The results had come back on the Weil's Disease test and were negative but she was still waiting for the Legionnaires results.

I have been steadily improving over the last couple of weeks and was even able to play a round of golf at the end of last week; however it did leave me knackered and I was hardly able to swing a club on the last 2 holes.

The above was written in September, I lost my inspiration at that point and so it has taken until now to complete the post.

Much has happened, a small amount of golf has been played, and a lot of just bat swinging. I've been back to Dundee a couple of times, indeed I'm writing this in my Dundee hotel. In between has been a trip to Belfast, a fabulous city where I had a great time. I've now completed the set and visited all four home countries, actually all four home capitals. If you ever get the chance, go to Belfast.

Unfortunately I've been up here for my birthday, mind you it means I can also have another birthday when I get home, an official birthday if you like, just like our own dear Queen, God Bless Her!

When I get back a trip down the driving range is required to build on my visit last week. I managed to hit the ball consistently straight, not far, but straight. I think I can remember what I was doing so I'll make sure and then try and put it into practice on the golf course, weather permitting.

I'll also celebrate my second birthday, unfortunately it doesn't come with a second set of presents, well at least I won't have to sit through a trooping of the colour!

How Albert Einstein helped me win, again!

I'm back in Dundee again, until early August when I got a whole weekend off before returning for another 3 weeks. Bugger! I thought I'd be home for the first game of the season against Bournemouth, ah well at least I'll get to the second home game as I'm on holiday then. I have played golf, last Monday just before I came up north. Ross was back from Scotland, so we set off for the club early; intending to get out before the Ladies competition started at 8.30. Unfortunately we had reckoned with out 'The Misfits' a group of about 20 retired members who generally have an informal competition about this time of day. Fortunately, they let us tee of first, unfortunately we were crap. My tee shot went 50 yards, the next 2 were just as bad and even Ross had a terrible start. We decided to pick up and walk on to the second tee, as we could feel the laser eyes in the back of our necks; we could always play the first hole at the end of the round, so we started properly from the second. My tee shot was perfect, the shot following equally so leaving me with just over 100 yards to be on the green in regulation. A par was beckoning me, but as I took my third shot it stuck up 2 fingers and ran away shouting 'Na na, nana na!' I finished with an 8. If I ever see that par again, I'll whack it with a 9 iron! The par 3 third saw me land on the green, that bloody par was living dangerously now, and my 9 iron was anticipating being used for something useful and with accuracy for a change. Alas the par eluded me, neatly sidestepping a right haymaker and ran off to the fourth. I finished 2 over. I almost drove the green on the fourth, the irksome troublemaker almost got his arse kicked but I missed with a creditable 1 over par 5. The fifth saw some creative scoring, where my ahem 'practice shot' scooted into the gorse 20 yards from the tee. Another 5 went on the score card. A further 5 ensued on the sixth where I hit another tremendous tee shot. I was becoming consistent, four 5s in five holes; it's a shame they were two par 3s and two par 4s. The seventh hole broke the monotony of scoring 5; I managed to keep my score to 11, closely followed by a 7 on the eighth. The par 3 ninth was an unmitigated disaster as was the tenth. The eleventh however saw me on the green in regulation, the par hadn't seen me coming, in fact I was on for a birdie, but the little sod saw me at the last moment and I ended up 1 over with yet another 5. I must have sent the par to sleep on the twelfth, again close to double figures, because I managed to catch it on the thirteenth, my tee shot landed on the green and I two putted. Hurrah! I put the par in my golf bag and closed the zip. I'll let it out later, somewhere well away from a golf course so it can't do any damage. With the elusive par safely under wraps, we finished the round relatively quickly. There was nobody waiting to start a round, enabling us to finally play the first hole. A totting up of the score left me with over 120 for the round, nearly 20 behind Ross who also had a bad day. I did, however, win on Stableford or the second time in a row! It just goes to show that Einsteinian physics using the theory of relative scoring, helps the crap golfer overcome that pesky Newtonian absolutism scoring method. I bet Isaac just used his superior knowledge of Maths and Latin just to beat his mates This, of course, assumes I have a handicap of 28, a trifle optimistic really, because my true handicap is called a 'Buzz Lightyear' or 'Buzz' for short, that's 'To infinity and beyond!'. Actually, even that's optimistic as I don't think they've invented a number system which goes high enough.

Back from Finland

I can't believe that I've been home from Finland for 3 weeks now! I had a wonderful time, a great place to be and it was fantastic to catch up with some old friends and to meet new ones.

I have managed to play golf since I got back but only one full round and to be honest most of it was rubbish.

Ross and I went out last Thursday evening and managed 8 holes. The weather had been changeable all day, sometimes bright sunshine, sometimes torrential downpour. When we set off at 5pm to go to the club it looked like the weather was going to be ok, unfortunately this proved not to be the case and thick battleship grey clouds filled the sky. We got wet, very wet, despite waterproofs, well waterproof jackets; I was unable to get the overtrousers on before it rained and then it became pointless.

We decided to play from the ninth hole a 214 yard par 3. It started badly, my tee shot was topped and ended up about 15 yards away, just past the ladies tee. Things didn't improve and I finished with a 7. The tenth proved even worse, a lost ball from the tee and many shots to the green I finished with a 1 putted 10. Ross had bought a new putter, an Odyssey, and it certainly seemed that I was about to perform my own Odyssey and take 10 years to get round the course! The eleventh was a slight improvement but on the long par 4 twelfth I scored 6 reaching the green in 3 before 3 putting and the short par 3 thirteenth was good too. I shalln't mention the fourteenth, except in passing, but on our last 2 holes I did really well, finishing with 5 on the the par 4 eighteenth.

This was the moment I had been waiting for, when the scores were added up I had taken 4 more shots than Ross but under Stableford he had scores 8 points and I had scored 9! Yes 9, I had won, finally I had actually won, and as he's now gone on holiday for 2 weeks and I will then be off back to Dundee for a month, I will remain champion for at least 6 weeks. Ross has gone to Scotland and will be playing at least once a day for the entire 2 weeks, this means when I go up to Dundee the clubs with have to come too so I can practice after work otherwise I will be well and truly stuffed the next time we play.

I arrived home soaked, but happy. Oh the vagaries of golf, you can play like a muppet but still walk away with a grin on your face, with memories of good shots (yes plural) and all the crap forgotten.

It's the Open qualifier on Monday, I wonder if I should enter?

New Bats and Ice Hockey

I have now taken possession of my new bats. I got back from Scotland a week earlier than I expected so I managed to pick up the clubs early, unfortunately I didn't get to use them for 2 weeks. It wasn't the spectacular success I was hoping for,infact I was playing considerably worse than normal. I finished the round on 132; not my worst round but certainly nowhere near my best either. It will also be some time before I am able to use them again as I have been sent to Finland on a job. I am back in Turku; a city I first came to 14 years ago. Although there have been changes, it's still the friendly place I remember. The company where I'm working hasn't changed much either; some of the people have gone due to retirement but my friends are still there and it's been good to see them and catch up. We're all a little older now but the friendship remains. The Ice Hockey World Cup is being held here in Finland and Sweden. We both love ice hockey and always take in a game when we visit, so watching the matches in bars and restaurants has been great. We are, of course, supporting Finland, who so far have won 5 of their seven preliminary games and lost 2, to Canada and the USA. Their quarter final game is on Thursday and will be against the USA again. Hopefully this time they'll win. The mascot for this year's cup is The Hockey Bird, a specially designed Angry Bird, they are everywhere, on T Shirts, hoodies, hats, keyrings, cuddly toys and even boxer shorts! Michelle has bought a cuddly keyring to hang off her bag and has sent Hockey Bird postcards home with Hockey Bird stamps! I've got a T Shirt. I'll be here for another couple of weeks and then I hope I get the chance to play with my new clubs again before heading back to Scotland. I really hope we get some more work out here soon, if not, we'll just have to come back on holiday.

April Fool

On Thursday I went to a fitting session for new golf clubs at Portsmouth Golf Centre. This was an interesting experience. I was taken to the end of the driving range where; behind a locked door, was a veritable arsenal of club heads and shafts. It was like entering an SAS firing range with a multitude of weapons to choose from. For a golfist this was like entering heaven.

For those unfamiliar with the process, it consisted of me hitting balls from a mat with various makes of club and the computer analysing what I was doing. A multitude of figures appeared on the giant TV screen and the flight of the ball was plotted also. I did some of my own analysis, replacing all the figures with a single word; crap! I did find a set of iron I could hit reasonably straight, however, and these turned out to be Yonex. The Callaways, Wilsons and Pings all looked good but I couldn't hit any of them as well as the Yonex. A slight adjustment of head angle was required but I did rather well with them. The Yonex driver also turned out to be the best for me. There seemed little point in buying a big name brand of clubs,which looked aesthetically pleasing, if all I could do was hit the ball onto an adjacent fairway. My new clubs were therefore ordered apart from the driver, which was available to be taken away immediately. I was now looking forward to Sunday and the chance to try it out.

Sunday was another glorious day, just right for whacking some golf balls. On Thursday I hadn't decided on a new putter, so I asked in the club shop if I could try out a few on the putting green. After about half an hour I was much poorer but in the possession of a very fine Wilson Vizor putter. It was now time to put my two new clubs to the test.

The new driver was duly put into action on the first tee. I took a practice swing, my new weapon feeling like it could wallop the ball for miles. The actual shot went low and slightly off to the right, fortunately hitting another golfists trolley which left it in the middle the fairway instead of in the trees. Not an auspicious start. On arriving at the green, however, my latest acquisition did the business with me almost sinking a 20 foot putt.

On the second I managed to hit a magnificent tee shot beyond the tree that splits the fairway; by far the best drive I'd done on this hole, my new big gun doing a marvellous job. I made a one over 6 on this hole with a pretty good putt. It was looking like the driver and putter were making a difference.

The rest of the round went very well,including 3, yes 3, pars! I managed to cock up the ninth, tenth and last 2 holes but finished on a best ever score of 107, translating to 31 points, again a best score, losing by only 2 points.

Reflecting on how well I'd done, in the bar later, I realised the date was the first of April; the whole round had been a joke! All those wonderful shots, magnificent putts were as nought, just a well timed jest from those pesky fairway fairies! Ah well, I'll have to see what happens when the new bats arrive. Unfortunately the clubs may not arrive until next week, when I'm due back in Dundee. I was hoping to have them before I went as there's a chance to play after work up there, mind you with all that snow it would appear to be unlikely.

It looks like The fairies' little joke will continue through April, and guess who's the fool?!