The Laziness of the long distance blogger

I started this blog to chronicle my attempts to hit a little white ball around the countryside; unfortunately it was some considerable time since my last post before I went out for some ritual humiliation. For this reason, and sheer laziness, I have failed to update the blog.  

In the intervening period we went on holiday; Michelle and I went to Helsinki for a week at the end of January. We had a fantastic time, took in an ice hockey game and discovered a brilliant restaurant. As usual, we stayed at the Hotel Torni, the bar at the top of the tower giving a wonderful view of the city. There are some great photos below, including from the ‘loo with a view’

We booked our restaurants before leaving home, the Kappelli and Aino being two which we always visit. Kappelli isbeautiful, it is wonderfully lit and really is like dining in fairyland. Aino is just a fabulous place with excellent food. The third one was found by Michelle on line, the Chef and Sommelier and what a restaurant it is. It is tiny, only 20 covers, and the kitchen isn’t big enough to swing a mouse let alone a cat! But the food is unbelievable, most definitely Michelin class. The chef came out to explain every course but the price was about the same as the Aino and Kappelli. We will definitely be going back.

On the day before returning home, we went to see a  Jokerit ice hockey game and experienced something no Pompey fan had done for months, celebrated a win, a 3-1 defeat of SaiPa.

The following day it started snowing, it didn’t appear too bad but on the way to the airport it started getting heavier. We arrived 2 hours before our flight was due out and in that time the snow became very deep. Our departure time was put back by half an hour, which wasn’t too bad, but unfortunately the snow had caused a lot of delayed flights due to the need for the planes to be de-iced. By the time we left we were over 3 hours late; just showing that snow affects even countries who are geared up for it not just the UK, albeit they cope better.

The Pompey ownership saga was finally resolved, with the fans now owning the club. Michelle and I both made a small contribution and have bought our season tickets for our sojourn in League 2 (4th Division to all us purists!) Our last home game of the season had an attendance of over 18,000, not bad for an already relegated club! We both went to the last game too, at Shrewsbury, and had a fabulous weekend away.

I have been working locally recently, in Southampton, which means I have been able to get out and whack some little dimpled balls, of various colours, into inaccessible areas of the golf course.
My last couple of rounds have, for me, been exceptional. I have posted scores of 104 and 105 (with a little creative scoring, mainly due to a few duffed tee shots) and with a little more care I could have been below 100.

Last Sunday I actually achieved a genuine birdie on the the par 3 thirteenth. It was a magnificent tee shot finishing less than 3 feet from the hole. I did, for one brief glorious moment, think I was going to get a hole in one, but alas the ball went just past the hole. The day started with rain and it looked like we were going to get soaked, but by the time we were able to start the weather had picked up and we finished in glorious sunshine. We were delayed as there was a men's match scheduled to start not long after we arrived, so it was decided to wait until they had all gone out before we teed off. This allowed for a spot of lunch and a couple of pints, guaranteed to make for a more relaxed game!

We left it for 20 mins after the last match had started before we set off, I shot a 6 on both the first two holes, both par 5s so I was immensely pleased, especially as both tee shots had been wayward, one very short, the other long but into trees. The third hole was a disaster, 5 on a par 3. On arriving at the fourth we found that we had caught up with the match, there was a four ball on the fourth and another at the fifth tee waiting for the green to clear. It was clearly time for a break and the chance to enjoy the scenery in the now much improved weather. We knew there were three ladies following us, so we waited for them and allowed them to play through, not re-commencing until they had teed off on the fifth. The fourth hole is interesting; the green in over to the right, and set below the level, of the fairway.    It is possible to take on the green but there is rough around and before it, and a stream to the right. We took it on, Ross finished about 3 yards short in decent rough, and I was about 20 yards further back, again in easy rough. Unfortunately I duffed my second shot which went completely off the the other end of the green which is easily 100 feet long. I managed to rescue a one over par 5, Ross finished with a par.

I shall draw a discreet veil of the next three holes, they were unpleasant, from a golfing point of view, but I did recover with a 5 on the par four eighth. The ninth was its usual disaster but the tenth was a creditable 1 over par 5. A so-so eleventh and twelfth were followed by that wonderful birdie on the thirteenth. I had the chance, albeit a small one, of another on the par 3 fifteenth. My tee shot landed on the green 40 feet from the hole but I 3 putted for a 4. It was business as usual on the next two holes, however the last hole beckoned and since I had parred it on my last visit I was hoping to repeat the experience. The only problem was there was a gallery from, the now completed, men's match. The tee is much higher than the green, indeed you cannot see it from the tee, but it is a straight hole with the clubhouse right next to it. From the tee you can see the balcony of the clubhouse and on Sunday it was full. I hate playing with anyone watching, now there were nearly 30 people watching us play that last hole. To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was worried about standing on the tee with my feet apart! I did hit a reasonable shot, however, which landed a couple of inches off the fairway, leaving me with a clear 150 yard shot to the green. I took out my 5 iron and plonked the ball just short of the green but it rolled magnificently onto it just 20 feet from the hole. Ross had hit a truly brilliant tee shot and was aiming to put the ball close to the flag. Unfortunately, he completely duffed it and took two shots to get to the green, and promptly rolled off the other side. He hit a great shot to finish inches from the hole and finished with a 1 over par 5. I then took three putts to finish, as I said I hate a gallery, but was very pleased with a 5.

We wandered in and reflected on our round with a couple of pints, sat on the, now vacated, balcony. I never tire of the beauty of this golf course and sat in the sun with a pint in hand it looks even more magnificent.

This week we are going to try and get a few holes in one evening as Michelle and I are away in Devon for a wedding at the weekend. By the the end of the summer I am determined to be below 100, without the creative scoring. I shall try and relate my attempts, but then again laziness may take over again. If I get below 100, however, laziness will be residing in the nasty rough with most of my previous golf balls

Home at last!

I'm back from Dundee.

Hopefully the large elastic band which was tethering me to the place has now snapped, or at least weakened. I did manage to escape during my last visit, alas only for one day. That did allow me to celebrate my birthday, albeit over a week late.

My next site is unclear at present, it could be Des Moines in Iowa or it could be Southampton. At least Southampton is only just up the road allowing me to be home every night, even if I will have to put up with Saints fans ( or Scummers as they're affectionately known in these here parts). It will also have the benefit of me being able to watch Pompey, and play golf.

I'm now on holiday until the new year, so I should be able play before Christmas, provided the course is open. I have some nice new shiny yellow balls; which should, hopefully, stop me losing so many of the little buggers. Mind you that's only if the fairway fairies don't like the colour. I might even stand a chance of beating Ross as he hasn't played for a month either.

There are lots of events coming up this month; the obvious Christmas dos, and also three birthdays and our wedding anniversary. With that amount of booze my golf should improve no end.

With all that going on, the only time I want to see or hear the word 'Dundee' is either on the football results, a jar of marmalade or a cake.

Reluctantly ill and a loss of inspiration

It's been a while since my last blog. Unfortunately I haven't been very well and have only just managed to play a round of golf.

It started in Dundee, I came down with flu like symptoms on the Thursday before I was due  to come home to go on holiday. The symptoms got progressively worse until one night I was so cold and shivering that my teeth were chattering. A couple of hours later I was burning up.

On the Sunday morning, I managed to see a doctor, who said I just had flu and should take paracetamol for the headaches.

I don't know how I manged to go to work, but as I was the only one on site, there wasn't really much choice and as I was going home on the Wednesday, I carried on. Wednesday came, and i drove 500 miles home and virtually went straight to bed. Next morning I dragged myself along to see my own doctor, who took one look at me and said she was sending me for blood tests. She decided to test for lots of things, including Weil's Disease and Legionnaires! I was prescribed some hefty antibiotics as a precaution. As we were going on holiday to Cornwall the next day, I asked whether I should go, she replied that there were doctors in Cornwall so I should be ok.

Next morning, at 6 o'clock we set off. Michelle drove all the way to Bodmin while I slept. At Bodmin we stopped for breakfast, after which I took over the driving for the last 20 miles. It was at this point my doctor rang saying my blood tests were 'all over the place' and asked Michelle if I looked yellow! Apparently my liver functions were wrong and I had tested positive for the Epstein-Barr Virus. This is the virus which causes Glandular Fever. We were told to see a doctor ASAP. Michelle then rang the local doctor's in Padstow, where we were staying and we went straight there. My doctor faxed across the test results and the local doctor examined me and said I should go to the hospital in Truro the following day for more blood tests.

Having spent the Friday resting, well dozing on and off, Michelle drove me down to Truro for my blood tests. These were done and we waited for the results. They confirmed the EBV but also showed that my liver functions were getting better and the general level of infection was down; the antibiotics were doing the job.

The rest of the holiday was a bit of a washout for me; I spent most of the time sleeping in the flat and going to bed at 9pm! I had hardly any beer; which, considering the nearest pub was 10 feet away and there are 5 more within 2 minutes walk is unheard of for me. By Wednesday I was feeling a liitle better and managed a few pints and was able to enjoy out last day on the Thursday before driving home on the Friday. We left early as I had arranged a hospital appointment for the Friday afternoon. This was because my Keratitis had flared up in my left eye, a nasty little viral problem which lurks waiting for the immune system to drop before striking.

Still feeling drained of energy, I went to see my doctor on the Monday morning, more blood tests were arranged and she signed me off sick for 2 weeks. The results had come back on the Weil's Disease test and were negative but she was still waiting for the Legionnaires results.

I have been steadily improving over the last couple of weeks and was even able to play a round of golf at the end of last week; however it did leave me knackered and I was hardly able to swing a club on the last 2 holes.

The above was written in September, I lost my inspiration at that point and so it has taken until now to complete the post.

Much has happened, a small amount of golf has been played, and a lot of just bat swinging. I've been back to Dundee a couple of times, indeed I'm writing this in my Dundee hotel. In between has been a trip to Belfast, a fabulous city where I had a great time. I've now completed the set and visited all four home countries, actually all four home capitals. If you ever get the chance, go to Belfast.

Unfortunately I've been up here for my birthday, mind you it means I can also have another birthday when I get home, an official birthday if you like, just like our own dear Queen, God Bless Her!

When I get back a trip down the driving range is required to build on my visit last week. I managed to hit the ball consistently straight, not far, but straight. I think I can remember what I was doing so I'll make sure and then try and put it into practice on the golf course, weather permitting.

I'll also celebrate my second birthday, unfortunately it doesn't come with a second set of presents, well at least I won't have to sit through a trooping of the colour!

How Albert Einstein helped me win, again!

I'm back in Dundee again, until early August when I got a whole weekend off before returning for another 3 weeks. Bugger! I thought I'd be home for the first game of the season against Bournemouth, ah well at least I'll get to the second home game as I'm on holiday then. I have played golf, last Monday just before I came up north. Ross was back from Scotland, so we set off for the club early; intending to get out before the Ladies competition started at 8.30. Unfortunately we had reckoned with out 'The Misfits' a group of about 20 retired members who generally have an informal competition about this time of day. Fortunately, they let us tee of first, unfortunately we were crap. My tee shot went 50 yards, the next 2 were just as bad and even Ross had a terrible start. We decided to pick up and walk on to the second tee, as we could feel the laser eyes in the back of our necks; we could always play the first hole at the end of the round, so we started properly from the second. My tee shot was perfect, the shot following equally so leaving me with just over 100 yards to be on the green in regulation. A par was beckoning me, but as I took my third shot it stuck up 2 fingers and ran away shouting 'Na na, nana na!' I finished with an 8. If I ever see that par again, I'll whack it with a 9 iron! The par 3 third saw me land on the green, that bloody par was living dangerously now, and my 9 iron was anticipating being used for something useful and with accuracy for a change. Alas the par eluded me, neatly sidestepping a right haymaker and ran off to the fourth. I finished 2 over. I almost drove the green on the fourth, the irksome troublemaker almost got his arse kicked but I missed with a creditable 1 over par 5. The fifth saw some creative scoring, where my ahem 'practice shot' scooted into the gorse 20 yards from the tee. Another 5 went on the score card. A further 5 ensued on the sixth where I hit another tremendous tee shot. I was becoming consistent, four 5s in five holes; it's a shame they were two par 3s and two par 4s. The seventh hole broke the monotony of scoring 5; I managed to keep my score to 11, closely followed by a 7 on the eighth. The par 3 ninth was an unmitigated disaster as was the tenth. The eleventh however saw me on the green in regulation, the par hadn't seen me coming, in fact I was on for a birdie, but the little sod saw me at the last moment and I ended up 1 over with yet another 5. I must have sent the par to sleep on the twelfth, again close to double figures, because I managed to catch it on the thirteenth, my tee shot landed on the green and I two putted. Hurrah! I put the par in my golf bag and closed the zip. I'll let it out later, somewhere well away from a golf course so it can't do any damage. With the elusive par safely under wraps, we finished the round relatively quickly. There was nobody waiting to start a round, enabling us to finally play the first hole. A totting up of the score left me with over 120 for the round, nearly 20 behind Ross who also had a bad day. I did, however, win on Stableford or the second time in a row! It just goes to show that Einsteinian physics using the theory of relative scoring, helps the crap golfer overcome that pesky Newtonian absolutism scoring method. I bet Isaac just used his superior knowledge of Maths and Latin just to beat his mates This, of course, assumes I have a handicap of 28, a trifle optimistic really, because my true handicap is called a 'Buzz Lightyear' or 'Buzz' for short, that's 'To infinity and beyond!'. Actually, even that's optimistic as I don't think they've invented a number system which goes high enough.

Back from Finland

I can't believe that I've been home from Finland for 3 weeks now! I had a wonderful time, a great place to be and it was fantastic to catch up with some old friends and to meet new ones.

I have managed to play golf since I got back but only one full round and to be honest most of it was rubbish.

Ross and I went out last Thursday evening and managed 8 holes. The weather had been changeable all day, sometimes bright sunshine, sometimes torrential downpour. When we set off at 5pm to go to the club it looked like the weather was going to be ok, unfortunately this proved not to be the case and thick battleship grey clouds filled the sky. We got wet, very wet, despite waterproofs, well waterproof jackets; I was unable to get the overtrousers on before it rained and then it became pointless.

We decided to play from the ninth hole a 214 yard par 3. It started badly, my tee shot was topped and ended up about 15 yards away, just past the ladies tee. Things didn't improve and I finished with a 7. The tenth proved even worse, a lost ball from the tee and many shots to the green I finished with a 1 putted 10. Ross had bought a new putter, an Odyssey, and it certainly seemed that I was about to perform my own Odyssey and take 10 years to get round the course! The eleventh was a slight improvement but on the long par 4 twelfth I scored 6 reaching the green in 3 before 3 putting and the short par 3 thirteenth was good too. I shalln't mention the fourteenth, except in passing, but on our last 2 holes I did really well, finishing with 5 on the the par 4 eighteenth.

This was the moment I had been waiting for, when the scores were added up I had taken 4 more shots than Ross but under Stableford he had scores 8 points and I had scored 9! Yes 9, I had won, finally I had actually won, and as he's now gone on holiday for 2 weeks and I will then be off back to Dundee for a month, I will remain champion for at least 6 weeks. Ross has gone to Scotland and will be playing at least once a day for the entire 2 weeks, this means when I go up to Dundee the clubs with have to come too so I can practice after work otherwise I will be well and truly stuffed the next time we play.

I arrived home soaked, but happy. Oh the vagaries of golf, you can play like a muppet but still walk away with a grin on your face, with memories of good shots (yes plural) and all the crap forgotten.

It's the Open qualifier on Monday, I wonder if I should enter?

New Bats and Ice Hockey

I have now taken possession of my new bats. I got back from Scotland a week earlier than I expected so I managed to pick up the clubs early, unfortunately I didn't get to use them for 2 weeks. It wasn't the spectacular success I was hoping for,infact I was playing considerably worse than normal. I finished the round on 132; not my worst round but certainly nowhere near my best either. It will also be some time before I am able to use them again as I have been sent to Finland on a job. I am back in Turku; a city I first came to 14 years ago. Although there have been changes, it's still the friendly place I remember. The company where I'm working hasn't changed much either; some of the people have gone due to retirement but my friends are still there and it's been good to see them and catch up. We're all a little older now but the friendship remains. The Ice Hockey World Cup is being held here in Finland and Sweden. We both love ice hockey and always take in a game when we visit, so watching the matches in bars and restaurants has been great. We are, of course, supporting Finland, who so far have won 5 of their seven preliminary games and lost 2, to Canada and the USA. Their quarter final game is on Thursday and will be against the USA again. Hopefully this time they'll win. The mascot for this year's cup is The Hockey Bird, a specially designed Angry Bird, they are everywhere, on T Shirts, hoodies, hats, keyrings, cuddly toys and even boxer shorts! Michelle has bought a cuddly keyring to hang off her bag and has sent Hockey Bird postcards home with Hockey Bird stamps! I've got a T Shirt. I'll be here for another couple of weeks and then I hope I get the chance to play with my new clubs again before heading back to Scotland. I really hope we get some more work out here soon, if not, we'll just have to come back on holiday.

April Fool

On Thursday I went to a fitting session for new golf clubs at Portsmouth Golf Centre. This was an interesting experience. I was taken to the end of the driving range where; behind a locked door, was a veritable arsenal of club heads and shafts. It was like entering an SAS firing range with a multitude of weapons to choose from. For a golfist this was like entering heaven.

For those unfamiliar with the process, it consisted of me hitting balls from a mat with various makes of club and the computer analysing what I was doing. A multitude of figures appeared on the giant TV screen and the flight of the ball was plotted also. I did some of my own analysis, replacing all the figures with a single word; crap! I did find a set of iron I could hit reasonably straight, however, and these turned out to be Yonex. The Callaways, Wilsons and Pings all looked good but I couldn't hit any of them as well as the Yonex. A slight adjustment of head angle was required but I did rather well with them. The Yonex driver also turned out to be the best for me. There seemed little point in buying a big name brand of clubs,which looked aesthetically pleasing, if all I could do was hit the ball onto an adjacent fairway. My new clubs were therefore ordered apart from the driver, which was available to be taken away immediately. I was now looking forward to Sunday and the chance to try it out.

Sunday was another glorious day, just right for whacking some golf balls. On Thursday I hadn't decided on a new putter, so I asked in the club shop if I could try out a few on the putting green. After about half an hour I was much poorer but in the possession of a very fine Wilson Vizor putter. It was now time to put my two new clubs to the test.

The new driver was duly put into action on the first tee. I took a practice swing, my new weapon feeling like it could wallop the ball for miles. The actual shot went low and slightly off to the right, fortunately hitting another golfists trolley which left it in the middle the fairway instead of in the trees. Not an auspicious start. On arriving at the green, however, my latest acquisition did the business with me almost sinking a 20 foot putt.

On the second I managed to hit a magnificent tee shot beyond the tree that splits the fairway; by far the best drive I'd done on this hole, my new big gun doing a marvellous job. I made a one over 6 on this hole with a pretty good putt. It was looking like the driver and putter were making a difference.

The rest of the round went very well,including 3, yes 3, pars! I managed to cock up the ninth, tenth and last 2 holes but finished on a best ever score of 107, translating to 31 points, again a best score, losing by only 2 points.

Reflecting on how well I'd done, in the bar later, I realised the date was the first of April; the whole round had been a joke! All those wonderful shots, magnificent putts were as nought, just a well timed jest from those pesky fairway fairies! Ah well, I'll have to see what happens when the new bats arrive. Unfortunately the clubs may not arrive until next week, when I'm due back in Dundee. I was hoping to have them before I went as there's a chance to play after work up there, mind you with all that snow it would appear to be unlikely.

It looks like The fairies' little joke will continue through April, and guess who's the fool?!

Springwatch

Today was golf day. Ross and I set off for the club about midday, the intention being to do some practice on the driving range and having a bacon buttie before starting our round. We figured that, due to the beautiful weather we have been enjoying the last few days, the course would be fully booked and we wouldn't get to go out until 3 o'clock. As we pulled off the main road and headed for the club we could see the car park was jammed full as we had feared. Resigned to waiting to get on the course we parked in the overflow car park.
We headed for the club house and found that all the cars were due to a private function in the club. Checking the tee time booking sheet confirmed that there were very few people playing we could go out any time we wanted. The good weather must have meant that many golfists had been forced to go to the garden centre by their wives. Ours had gone there together, thus freeing us to bat some balls.

The first two holes had mixed outcomes, I was awful scoring 9 & 10, Ross managed to par both holes. The third was eminently forgettable but the fourth was magnificent. This hole is interesting. The green is actually about 15-20 feet below the fairway and to the right. We decided to drive for the green. Ross went first, the shot flew towards the green but we were unable to see where it landed. I took my shot, it started off left and then went right, again we couldn't see where it landed. We walked down the path towards the green to see one ball just off the edge of the green about 40 feet from the flag. The other ball was on the green about 30 feet from the flag. I went to the first ball preparing to take a shot when Ross suggested I check the ball, it was his. I had actually driven the green! Ross took his shot and got close to the hole. I now had an eagle putt, yes an eagle putt! Unfortunately the eagle swooped down, shit on me, snatched the birdie and was last seen heading over the trees. Yes, I completely blew my putt, missed the next and finished with a par. I would have been happy with a par, now it felt like a bogey.

The next hole is a par 3. My tee shot stayed low, skimming the top of the gorse, or whin as it's called in Scotland according to Ross. It then scootered along the floor and rolled into a bunker. I finished with a 6. The first 9 holes ended with me scoring 62. I needed to improve to get below 120.

The 10th was atrocious, the 11th was much improved, a 1 over par 5. We now had the most difficult hole on the course. Ross said he was going to hit the ball to the left as his tee shots had been going to the right. The problem was if he hit it straight he said it would go into the gorse. I remarked that would be a whin win situation!

The rest of the round was better and I finished with 119, the same as last time. At least I'm not getting worse.

The only bad thing was Pompey losing to Coventry, still we've got Hull at home Tuesday and Burnley at home next Saturday.

The weather this week is supposed to be good, so I think another trip to the club is in order. I wonder if I'll see that eagle.

It's been a while since my last post, I've been in Dundee again and there hasn't been much golf. Actually I have now been home for three weeks as the next phase doesn't start until next month, but there has still been very little golf; well one round,a week ago.

I felt that I didn't play very well; but, considering my lack of practice, I didn't do too badly at all. I managed to get round in 119; which, all things considered, was pretty good actually. This has spurred me on and I went down to the driving range for some practice. There are 50 balls in a bucket, and so armed with a driver, a 5 iron, a 7 iron and a pitching wedge, I proceeded to try and knock all of them as far as I could for the respective club. First up was the driver and I loaded 10 balls into the automatic hopper. It took a few before I was hitting the ball anywhere near straight, or indeed any distance. After the remaining balls, I set about using the 5 iron, hitting the ball from the mat just behind the tee. The jolt of the club on the mat caused the automatic tee to retract and try and reload. To my surprise another ball appeared, which I placed on the mat. Thinking I must have miscalculated, I hit this ball. Again, another ball appeared on the tee. Time after time a ball reloaded after I made my shot. I couldn't have miscalculated that much; load 10 balls, hit 25! Eventually my apparently everlasting supply ran out and I had to resort to using the balls I had paid for. I can only assume some elderly golfer with Alzheimer's had forgotten what he had done and indeed why he was there and wandered off. Still, I had a good time and managed to hit the last few balls straighter than normal, but still not very far. Fired up by this I arranged to play on Sunday with Ross

Since I've been home Michelle has had various jobs lined up for me to do. Amongst them was to replace all the electrical sockets and switches in the kitchen. These were fitted during the house extension and were merely temporary white plastic ones, the idea being to fit screwless metal flat ones. Fast forward 4 years and I took them out of the garage and fitted them, annoying Matt a couple of times as I managed to short the neutral to earth and trip the RCD, thus ruining his gaming activities. The garage has also been cleared, with the help of James & Matt, leaving a lot more space.

The grass has been cut a couple of times, and tomorrow it's the turn of the loft to be cleared out. I've also been running Mum around to the doctor's a lot as she's got a heart problem, seemingly started by an infection. I certainly haven't been bored whilst at home.

It also looks like the date has been set for my trip to Finland, the first three full weeks of May. This will give me a chance to see some old friends from working there before and I'm really looking forward to it, especially as Michelle is coming with me for a while and also the Ice Hockey World Cup is taking place in Finland while we're there.

This weekend is also very crucial to Pompey. After Tuesday's brilliant win(well the second half)we have a must win game against Coventry who are only 2 points ahead of us. This is followed by 2 home games next week against Hull and Burnley. It's going to be an interesting run in, unfortunately I'll be in Dundee for our last 3 home games, but hopefully I'll be back for the away game against Nottingham Forest on the last day of the season. By then I hope that we have not only avoided relegation but liquidation too.

I shall continue blogging after Sunday; when, hopefully,I'll be talking about a magnificent win at Coventry and a sub 110 round of golf.

Oh well, back in the saddle

I am writing this back in my old hotel room in Dundee.

We had a fantastic holiday, the diet was left locked up in a cupboard at home; I had to trick it in there and then slammed the door!

Much beer and fine food was consumed and much shopping was done. The restaurants were of there usual high standard and we also partook of some fast food at the ice hockey. Actually, the burger bar at the rink was Hesburger,a chain we thought had disappeared,as last time we were there all the Hesbugers were gone and replaced by Carrol's. This year there was no sign of Carrol's and there were loads of Hesburgers. Maybe they were brought back by popular demand.

We enjoyed the ice hockey, our seats were right in the front row on the side near the home end goal. This gave an excellent view of the action. If you have never been to an ice hockey game go! It's fantastically quick and exciting to watch. This time we went to two games and it was well worth it.

We did also eat in some very good restaurants, one of which had it's own specially brewed beer, flavoured with spruce. It was brilliant but alas only available at the restaurant, as they have no bottling facility.

On our way home from that particular restaurant, we walked through the Esplanadi park. This is situated between the north and south Esplanadi roads which run down to the main harbour. It is especially beautiful on a winter's night due to all the snow and the lights in the trees. It was here that Michelle carried out a middle aged bit of hooliganism and spelt out 'PLAY UP POMPEY' by walking in the pristine snow whilst I filmed it! We went back the following day to the scene of the crime and took photos. It'll probably stay until the next snowfall or when it all melts.

Unfortunately our time there went altogether too quickly. We did, however, bring back some wonderful souvenirs; namely Fazer chocolate, Salmiaki and Koskenkorva. There were one or two presents for other people and this meant that for the first time ever we were 5 kilos over our allowance, this despite not bringing back as much as previous trips and our little case weighing device saying we were ok.

I am now back in Dundee, tidying things up before the next stage starts. I hope I can get home by the weekend, or at latest by Monday as I would like to go to the home game against Ipswich. This could well be our last, if the tax man gets his way. Fingers crossed a new owner appears before then.

If not I suppose I'll just have to follow ice hockey instead.

Airport Etiquette

Michelle and I have come away on holiday for a few days.

This has meant we have had to get on a plane. This in turn means we have had to go to an airport. In this case; Heathrow.

What is it about airports that turns normaly sane, rational and polite people into utter morons incapable of thinking outside of their own selfish wants and needs?

Today I have seen Brownian motion in action with people. They wander round the departure lounge in seemingly random directions with no sense of direction ;indeed no sense, and get in other people's way seemingly deliberately; certainly with no thought whatsoever for the consequences of their actions. I talk here, of course, of 'Homo Airportensis' a category of Homo Sapiens, with very little of the Sapiens. I have seen goldfish move around with more thought and purpose than these primitive creatures. The humble mollusc has more social awareness. Show these beings a duty free shop and all pretence of civilisation disappears. They do have self awareness, more like a two year old, but any resemblance to a human being is quickly dispersed once a bargain is spotted in the numerous emporia in the terminal building.

I sometimes wonder whether the building is aptly named; in that we are witnessing the terminal decline of human beings.

Fortunately my torture is short lived and we are directed towards th gate where our flight will depart. Unfortunately my fellow passengers are also pointed in this direction. How do the ground staff cope with the incessant flow of idiots, who think they have to get on the plane before anyone else. The social inadequacies come to the fore again. Don't these people realise that,once they and their luggage have been checked in the plane will not depart without them unless they stubbornly refuse to board that is.

The staff had tried to assert some form of control over the flying public and so tried to have the passengers board in a particular order. We were, of course, the lowest of the low and were amongst the last to be called. We saw our more fortunate fellow travellers depart on a bus marked Helsinki. I was slightly worried here, was this a bus replacement service? If so, it was very crowded and there appeared to be no toilet facilities. A three day journey seemed out of the question really. My dismay turned to relief, when the bus we were on stopped at a parked aircraft and the contents of the bus disgorged itself towards the steps leading into the plane.

We are now firmly ensconced in our hotel room in Helsinki where I a writing this. We are both looking forward to the next few days, though I think that I really ought to have applied for a few more credit cards.

I would have liked to be able to travel over to Turku during this trip to some good friends. Unfortunately I don't think that is possible this time. The good news though is that I may well be going there for work fairly soon.

Tomorrow, as they say, is another day and this time there will be a different sort of Brownian motion. This is Homo Shoppingensis, a species dominated by the need to shop, and almost uncontrollable when the word 'Ale' (Finnish for sale)appears in the shops.
We arrived safely, went to our first restaurant of the holiday an finished in the bar on the top floor of the Torni Hotel.

We are both looking forward to the rest of the holiday and the great food and drink. We will, naturally, also be experiencing all the culture Helsinki has to offer, Fazer chocolate, ice hockey and Koskenkorva.

After a few Kosus, I think we will probably indulge in a little Brownian motion of our own, trying to get back to the hotel.

The Countdown has started

Only a few days to go now and I will be on holiday.

In the meantime, however, I'm still in Dundee commissioning. We're close to the end of this stage and should be finished by the time I get away on Tuesday. Once in production there shouldn't be too much standby, so by the time I get home from holiday there should be a brief free couple of weeks before the next phase for some golf.

I'm really looking forward to the break and the chance to lose some more balls. Hopefully the weather won't be too bad. There will be a couple of trips to the driving range required, I've almost forgotten how to swing a golf bat. Once I come back up to Scotland the days will be getting longer and the opportunity to play here will arise. Fortunately there's plenty of room in the boot of the car for the clubs.

I also can't wait to see Michelle, I've really missed her, and the rest of the family of course. We bought our iPads so that we could use FaceTime to keep in contact , but unfortunately the wifi in the hotel has been poor and we've been unable to use it. With any luck when I come back next time I'll be in a room with better reception.

There has also been very little time to blog, and certainly nothing really interesting to blog about. No exploits down the pub, I've been really boring and generally getting back to my room between 9 and 10 o'clock, and even staying in 3 nights a week! A far cry from when I last did this job, a combination of age and a desire not to look like a barrage balloon.

Tonight I've got back early, hence the blog, the downside is that I'm going back into work for tonight's run. It's an important one so there will be two of us in, hopefully we won't be too late as we're back into work tomorrow morning.

Still it will be one day closer to home,

A Farewell Round

On Wednesday I played my final round of golf as a full member of the club.

Next year I will have social membership only, this means that I will have to pay to play, although it will only be £20.50 per round and I will be able to play anytime I'm available.

We arrived early for a little practice beforehand.Unfortunately whilst we were whacking balls all over the place on the range, in a good imitation of my actual game, many people arrived and started queueing by the first tee. We tried a bit of putting practice and than waited our turn. While we stood by the first tee, a solitary golfist cam along and we invited him to join us. This is a little difficult for me as I get slightly intimidated when playing with people I don't know; it manifested itself as my tee shot only ran 20 yards along the ground. Ignoring this, I took another whack and placed my ball slap bang in the middle of the fairway near the top of the hill. The second shot was pretty good, followed by a couple of duffers but my fifth left the ball a couple of inches from the hole leaving an easy putt for a creditable 1 over par 6. So far so good.

I doubled my score on the second; no, not a total of 12 shots, but 12 shots for the hole! Oh dear intimidation city here we come. The par 3 third is best left unmentioned, but on the fourth I played a blinder. The tee shot went straight and further than I had before on this hole. The green on this hole is off to the right of the fairway down a hill. It is possible for a big hitter to drive the green, but most mortals stick to the fairway. I pitched towards the flag but left the ball just on the fringe, however a further chip put me next to the hole. So my first par of the day.

Normal service resumed on the fifth but the sixth was a good hole, only 2 over on the hardest hole on the course, well according to the SI, actually the twelfth is harder.

The seventh; although well over 500 yards, has been a good hole for me. Not on this day, a 14 was not really going to get me below a sub 100 round. The eighth was not much better but I made par on the ninth, followed by a couple of decentish holes. The twelfth is usually my nemesis and this was no exception. The short par 3 thirteenth was another par.What was going on? My game was going up and down more often than a disreputable lady's under garments!

And so to the fourteenth. The tee shot did a rawhide after bouncing off the ladies' tee box. The second flew long and hard into a staked tree, making a very loud bang as the protective cover took a bashing. The ball was unplayable so, after  free drop, I lined up my third shot. It started low and was just starting rise when about 15 yards into its flight it hit a very very narrow tree trunk slap bang in the middle. The ball rocketed back finishing about 10 yards further back from where it had started. How could I have hit a tree that narrow? I usually can't hit a fairway 80 yards wide! I did get onto the green 2 shots later and 2 putted to finish off.

Two further disaster holes saw me on the seventeenth tee. I decided to use the driver, and bugger me it flew straight and further than I normally achieve on this hole. I managed a very creditable 2 over par 7.

We proceed to the eighteenth, my last hole for 2011, and my last at the club for who knows how long.
I hit a beautiful long tee shot with my driver which flew skywards and again, further than I have hit before on this hole. The only problem was it had landed over the trees on the first fairway! Undaunted, I hit a magnificent shot back over the trees to finish 20 yards short of the green. I was flying, at last. Unfortunately, not for the first time, my short game let me down. I took a further 4 shots to finish 2 over for the hole.

All in all it was a typical round for me shots, mixed with some bloody awful ones. This actually summed up the past year for us, some really good times, mixed with some truly awful ones. If ever golf was a metaphor for life, then my final round of the year was magnificently appropriate!

Today is New Year's Eve, so all that remains is for me to wish a Happy New Year to all of you who take time to read my ramblings. I look forward to blogging again in 2012.

So Happy New Year, and don't lose too many balls!

A Pleasant Afternoon

I flew back from Scotland on Friday morning.

The weekend had been planned for some time. It was Ross's birthday on Tuesday; so a night out at an Indian restaurant had been planned. It was also our wedding anniversary, Michelle's, her mum's and sister-in-law's birthday; thus another night out was arranged for Sunday. Of course there was also the small matter of the Portsmouth v Southampton match on Sunday afternoon!

Saturday afternoon was free and Michelle, bless her, had arranged with Ross for me to go a-golfing with him. Thus it was that Ross called for me in his gentleman's conveyance, well Tracey's conveyance actually, at noon. It was a C class Mercedes estate of similar vintage to my previous car. On arrival at them club we found that there were no bookings Fi them rest o f the day so we went straight out. There were a couple of problems, however. First of all, it was winter tees. This was no great shakes really, but the second one was; temporary greens! In other words no point in trying to putt whatsoever.

My tee shot at the first was straight but not very long; it was on the fairway however. Ross had put his over to the right making for a difficult second shot. I soon found that a long break had made little difference to my golf; I was as awful as ever. We had decided not to score the round, but to use matchplay. This resulted in me going one up after the first hole; hitch I won 9 to 10. The second was worse and Ross levelled the score.

Ross won the next two holes, but I did pull one back at the fifth. I never really managed to do well after this, and by the tie we got to the twelfth Ross was 6 up with 6 to play. At the par 3 thirteen I got the score to 5 with 5 to play, but despite a great tee shot on the fourteenth, Ross won the hole making the rest f the round irrelevant. We still wanted to play but we were stuck behind a very slow 3 ball, we decided to cut across and replay the eighth before repairing to the bar for a well earned pint.

I am determined this will not be the last time I play the course before I turn my membership to social, so we have arranged to play sometime between Christmas and New Year.

Sunday was a bit of a contrast, it was 'Derby Day'; this meant road closures in Portsmouth and an early start as the kick off was to be at 1 pm. Michelle and I got to her mum's around 10, had a cup of tea and then wandered off to the ground. It wasn't quite a full house but the atmosphere was electric and threatening.

The final score was Portsmouth 1 Southampton 1; a fair result at the end of the day. Fortunately the was litte trouble and we got home safely at 4.

We returned later to pickup Michelle's mum and go for a triple birthday dinner at Gunwharf.

I returned to Dundee the following day and then drove back home on Thursday. Christmas has been great, we have eaten far too much but tomorrow I can start walking it off; Ross and I are off to play golf.

Living the High Life!

I have been back in work for 7 weeks now and have spent the entire time (excluding weekends) living in hotels. Well just 2 actually; one in Milton Keynes and one here in Scotland.

If you think that staying in hotels is glamourous and you live the high life; think again. During my time in MK, I stayed in a lovely old coaching inn.

I had 4 different rooms during the 6 weeks I was there. Each had their own characteristics; one had a bath with a fixed shower off the taps but you couldn't reach the controls from outside the bath as the sink was next to the bath and a wooden post holding up the ceiling. Another had a bathroom so small you could turn the shower on from the toilet! The third had a floor that meant the table needed cardboard under a couple of the legs to keep it level and I rolled into the middle of the bed. The telly was small and at the other end of a long room so you needed binoculars.

My favourite room had a large telly and not too far from the bed. The bathroom had an interesting feature; it had a sloping ceiling and I was just the right height so when I went to the loo my head brushed the slope at the correct distance from the toilet, a handy feature if drunk!

I also spent 'glamourous' nights in my room eating salad as I tried to keep the weight off. This was to counter the occasional curry and beer. Even then most nights I was in bed by 8.30.

This last week I have been staying in a place called Broughty Ferry, near Dundee. There are five of us and tonight is the first I have managed to stay in my room and eat Slimming World food. I will try and stay in a couple of more times this week and watch telly or read.

I'm off home on Friday, just for the weekend. I will be flying from Edinburgh to Southampton; I hope the weather doesn't turn nasty as we are going out for our wedding anniversary, Ross's birthday and Michelle's mum's birthday. Besides all that we also have to fit in the game against Southampton.

On Monday I fly back up here to work, for a rest.

Sorry about the lack of posts!

It's been quite a while since my last post; for which I apologise.

I was in Milton Keynes all this time (ok, I went home at weekends) where I was preparing for the job I am on now. On Monday I travelled to Dundee for a press refurbishment. I realised a couple of days ago that when I arrived on site, on Tuesday, it was 12 months to the date since I last set foot in a press hall. It's been a tough time for us since then but now things have picked up significantly and, although I have to be away from home, I am doing a job I know and love.

As part of my preparation for coming to Dundee I looked up local golf courses. St Andrews and Carnoustie are not far away, but in all honesty I really don't think they are ready for my style of golf, so I shall not grace them with my presence, yet!

There are some much nearer courses; one of which is about 2 minutes away fom the site and is quite cheap. I will, however have to wait until the spring or later to play as I don't think there will be much time to get out there. As the job is going on until next October a round after work is definitely on the cards due to the long, long days.

Michelle has had to cope with me being away and has done so magnificently; although she was ill for a week. She is going down to 2 days a week after Christmas giving her some time to write her book. This will also mean that she'll be able to visit me at weekends occasionally. It's also been tough as her Grandma and father have been ill. Hopefully they will recover soon.

The situation at Pompey has also taken a turn for the worse, hopefully a new buyer will surface soon. I am able to get to the next two home games, including Southampton! I just hope they aren't our last.

This time last year Pompey were in the doodah and I was about to leave the print industry. This year I am back in the print and Pompey are still in the doodah.

Bugger knows what next December holds!

50 not out!

Well, I've finally made it; today is my 50th birthday! I never thought I'd get this far; especially in my 20s as I was convinced my liver would give up the ghost. This was exacerbated by becoming a commissioning engineer and drinking on expenses.

Survived I have, however, and am now firmly in the land of the middle aged. I don't feel middle aged though, I still feel young even if my knees are knackered and I play golf.

I'm still in Milton Keyes training and will be here for a couple more weeks, with time off for good behaviour at weekends. Yesterday, though, I had the best surprise of my life. Trying to lose weight, I have been staying in my hotel room in the evening and eating salads from Asda. I finished my repast and retired to bed for a splendid evening of televisual pleasure, it was 10 past 7 of the evening clock. There were knockings on my door; I got out of bed and hastily dressed. The hotel duty manageress presented herself and said unto me that, as it was my birthday, I had been upgraded and a bigger and better room awaited downstairs. She then offered to help me move my stuff. My inquiry as to how they knew it was my 50th birthday went unanswered but I went along with her to my new room. We entered and I placed my suitcase down on the extra bed (yes, extra bed, this room was much bigger than my hitherto residence). I caught a glimpse of movement in the corner of my eye and looked around to see Michelle coming out of the ensuite to give me a kiss and a hug!

I was speechless; this was the best birthday present I could ever have. Michelle had come straight up from work and had planned this in advance. After fetching her car and suitcase, she changed out of her work clothes and we went to the pub for a steak and much beer; so much for the diet

We had a wonderful evening and, ahem, birthday celebration. Unfortunately, due to her running a Slimmimg World group on a Wednesday night, and having to be in Waterstones in Petersfield, Michelle had to leave right after breakfast.

This evening I went out for a splendid curry and some marvellous beer in the pub opposite. All in all, I've had a brilliant birthday; certainly a lot better than I thought it was going to be.

Saturday evening we're off out for a meal with friends to round off the week.

My liver still has a lot of work to do.

It only took one day

I am now gainfully employed again.

I have returned to work with a company that I've worked for twice before, and will now be back in the print industry as a Commissioning Engineer. The first three weeks will be spent training on old kit; which I've forgotten about, and also on the new kit. It's good to be back in an industry I've been involved with for nearly 25 years.

There is a side effect however, well two actually. I will be staying in hotels, a lot. This means eating in restaurants and pubs. It will take a great deal of will power to stay off the beer but it will be worth it, and also difficult to find food I can eat but keep within slimming guidelines.

Weight gain is one side effect which I will try and reverse but the second side effect has manifested itself after only one day. I speak of CEA, that is Commissioning Engineer's Arse! This is the bain of the CE's life and hit me this morning. Last night I went for a curry and had one with quite a few chillies; this morning the chillies reappeared rapidly and with malice.I was extremely glad that the extract fan in the bathroom was working at maximum efficiency

Tonight I will go for a Chinese, but I think I'll give the Szechuan section a miss.


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Location:Milton Keynes,United Kingdom

Sam Snead's Shoes

Ross came back from Guernsey on Saturday morning.

He's been fitting a new kitchen at his ex wife's house, and came home for a few days. This meant that on Monday morning we set off to play golf. He was still working hard when Karen (the ex) checked and found that he was on an earlier ferry than he thought, so he rushed around chucking his stuff in the van, including the golf clubs. It was only when he was safely ensconced in his cabin and at sea, that he realised that he had left his golf shoes in Guernsey!

No problem, he could call into Portsmouth golf centre and buy a new pair. But what to buy, he already had a black pair and a brown pair, and not being the type who wears trainers, he was left with little choice, and so opted for a pair of white shoes with fake crocodile saddles.

It was with these shoes he appeared at my house early on Monday morning. They were positively glowing in their newness; indeed I suggested that, should we lose any balls in the undergrowth, they could act as spotlights to help illuminate the search.

On arrival we saw that the car park was full and that a large group of senior members were about to go out en masse. We repaired to the bar and partook of coffee and bacon butties. After this, we tried a few practice swings on the range and some putting practice. It was a reasonably fine day (so far) but windy. This was to have a large effect on our game but on the first it wasn't too bad. I did, however put my second shot over the hedge dividing the first and eighteenth fairways taking 2 shots to get back to the right hole. We finished with an 8 for me and a 7 for Ross.

For me the second was a slight disaster, I lost a ball in the undergrowth on the right and took a penalty drop. My next shot put me over the other side of the fairway, leaving a difficult shot to get through the gap. After I had taken this shot and walked forward I noticed a ball on the fairway, looking around I realised that someone on the tee box had taken his tee shot without waiting for me to clear the fairway or to be invited through. This is against all golf etiquette, but I ignored it and carried on. In the meantime Ross played his second shot down the seventeenth as his tee shot had landed beautifully in the centre of that hole's fairway. I finished on an 8 for that hole and I think Ross made par. I made par myself on the next but then made a double bogey on the fourth. By now we had caught up with old chaps in front of us and so we had to wait on every hole; we didn't mind too much though as the banter was good and we were enjoying ourselves. I don't think the 2 chaps behind we're too happy though and the incident on the second wasn't going to be the last. On the sixth Ross made par again and I holed out for 2 over. We weren't playing slowly by any means and so I was slightly miffed when a ball nearly hit me as I walked off the green. There was no warning shout and the 2 chaps just carried on as if nothing had happened.

There were no further instances on the next few holes, but we we're still having to wait for the chaps in front of us; though apparently that was our fault.

My front 9 finished with a 56; making a score of under 100 unlikely, though I might achieve sub 110. Ross, however, was flying. His front 9 finished with a 43. He was determined to break 90 and this was a good start. The shoes were having an effect. Some readers may remember a comic strip in Scorcher, and then Tiger, called 'Billy's Boots'; where a young lad finds a very old pair of football boots which used to belong to a brilliant footballer. The boots are imbued with magical powers allowing Billy to play like the previous owner. Thus it is with Ross's new golf shoes. As the round progressed, and Ross's golf got better and more consistent, we realised these were no ordinary shoes and must have once belonged to a golfing grand master. These were Sam Snead's Shoes, and that's not easy to say three times quickly!

The back 9 was relatively uneventful, I did have a disaster on the sixteenth, but otherwise not too bad. I finished on 59 making a grand total of 115. Considering I've been lucky to be sub 140 lately, that was a very pleasing score. Ross was pushing for his sub 90, and after seventeen holes he was on 84. No pressure going onto the par 4 eighteenth then. Would the power of the shoes desert him or would they help him break the mythical 90 barrier? His tee shot went straight down the fairway, leaving an easy shot onto the green. He now had 3 putts to achieve his goal. The first just missed the hole from 25 feet out. Unfortunately it carried on for a few feet, no gimme at all. The second putt fell short but he sank the third to finish the round on 89! Sam's shoes had done the trick.

As I started walking towards the hole after my second shot, a golf ball landed just behind me, again no warning was issued. Then, as we walked off the green, both of the 'gentlemen' behind started shouting and gesticulating at us to move way. This really was the final straw and Ross was extremely annoyed. The 2 gentlemen don't know how close they came to having to retrieve one of Sam Snead's Shoes from their respective lower intestines. That would have impaired their golf somewhat.

There was no excuse for their behaviour whatsoever. It has to be said their attitude is completely at odds with the rest of the members we have met. I hope they never have the good fortune to find a pair of Sam's shoes, indeed I hope they find Maurice Flitcfroft's hat, that'll stuff them!

For me, alas, I fear that may have been my final round of the year at the club. I can only hope that next year I am able to get home and play a bit, though a full membership would not be good value for money.

Next Monday I start my new job, I will bring news from the world of work and, hopefully, some far flung golf courses.

I may have to get my own pair of magical golf shoes.


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Location:At home in bed

A suitable car to carry my clubs.

No golfie again this week.

I have been extremely busy; with no time to go to the club or even to the range for a bit of practice. I have been preparing for my new job, well I've been perusing the net for cars as I will be getting a company car. I have a certain monthly rental budget, but as of yet I don't know what this will stretch too with the leasing company that my company uses. I have found a site which will give me an idea of what would be available and I also have a site to work out the company car tax.

My criteria for the car are that; it must have Bluetooth and the boot must be big enough to accommodate 2 sets of golf clubs and trolleys; or a suitcase, a large bag of tools and a set of golf clubs. I have simple needs.

The choice would appear to be either an estate car or a 4x4. There aren't many fourbies that would be big enough and within budget, although I did find one 2wd version of a fourby which would not only be within budget, but come fully loaded with Bluetooth, sat nav, rear parking sensors and camera, auto headlights and auto windscreen wipers. I'm not sure how big the boot is so a trip to the dealer is in order. They also do an estate car with the same spec. The company car tax is reasonable too!

There are another couple of manufacturers I'm considering so I will be lining up some test drives and testing the load spaces with golf clubs.

I have also purchased an iPad 2 as has Michelle. This may appear a little on the extravagant side, but as my new job will mean me be away from home for long periods, we can talk to each other on FaceTime, thus saving our phone bills.

It also means I can carry on blogging as I have done so today. The nature of the blog may change slightly, but I will try to keep it about golf as I intend to play as much golf or go to as many practice ranges as I can.

This should widen my golfing experience; allowing me to play lots of different courses. I shall of course, dear reader, keep you fully informed of my progress, or, more likely, lack of progress.

In the meantime I shall endeavour to play as much as I within the next 2 weeks. Now where did I put those car brochures.. er golf clubs?

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Location:Bradshaw's Ln,Southport,United Kingdom