How Albert Einstein helped me win, again!

I'm back in Dundee again, until early August when I got a whole weekend off before returning for another 3 weeks. Bugger! I thought I'd be home for the first game of the season against Bournemouth, ah well at least I'll get to the second home game as I'm on holiday then. I have played golf, last Monday just before I came up north. Ross was back from Scotland, so we set off for the club early; intending to get out before the Ladies competition started at 8.30. Unfortunately we had reckoned with out 'The Misfits' a group of about 20 retired members who generally have an informal competition about this time of day. Fortunately, they let us tee of first, unfortunately we were crap. My tee shot went 50 yards, the next 2 were just as bad and even Ross had a terrible start. We decided to pick up and walk on to the second tee, as we could feel the laser eyes in the back of our necks; we could always play the first hole at the end of the round, so we started properly from the second. My tee shot was perfect, the shot following equally so leaving me with just over 100 yards to be on the green in regulation. A par was beckoning me, but as I took my third shot it stuck up 2 fingers and ran away shouting 'Na na, nana na!' I finished with an 8. If I ever see that par again, I'll whack it with a 9 iron! The par 3 third saw me land on the green, that bloody par was living dangerously now, and my 9 iron was anticipating being used for something useful and with accuracy for a change. Alas the par eluded me, neatly sidestepping a right haymaker and ran off to the fourth. I finished 2 over. I almost drove the green on the fourth, the irksome troublemaker almost got his arse kicked but I missed with a creditable 1 over par 5. The fifth saw some creative scoring, where my ahem 'practice shot' scooted into the gorse 20 yards from the tee. Another 5 went on the score card. A further 5 ensued on the sixth where I hit another tremendous tee shot. I was becoming consistent, four 5s in five holes; it's a shame they were two par 3s and two par 4s. The seventh hole broke the monotony of scoring 5; I managed to keep my score to 11, closely followed by a 7 on the eighth. The par 3 ninth was an unmitigated disaster as was the tenth. The eleventh however saw me on the green in regulation, the par hadn't seen me coming, in fact I was on for a birdie, but the little sod saw me at the last moment and I ended up 1 over with yet another 5. I must have sent the par to sleep on the twelfth, again close to double figures, because I managed to catch it on the thirteenth, my tee shot landed on the green and I two putted. Hurrah! I put the par in my golf bag and closed the zip. I'll let it out later, somewhere well away from a golf course so it can't do any damage. With the elusive par safely under wraps, we finished the round relatively quickly. There was nobody waiting to start a round, enabling us to finally play the first hole. A totting up of the score left me with over 120 for the round, nearly 20 behind Ross who also had a bad day. I did, however, win on Stableford or the second time in a row! It just goes to show that Einsteinian physics using the theory of relative scoring, helps the crap golfer overcome that pesky Newtonian absolutism scoring method. I bet Isaac just used his superior knowledge of Maths and Latin just to beat his mates This, of course, assumes I have a handicap of 28, a trifle optimistic really, because my true handicap is called a 'Buzz Lightyear' or 'Buzz' for short, that's 'To infinity and beyond!'. Actually, even that's optimistic as I don't think they've invented a number system which goes high enough.