Gluttons for Punishment

It was Thursday evening once more, and time for another game of non-golf.

Yes, Ross and I went out for one of our last Thursday evening thrashes. It’s getting dark about 7.30 now, so we had to set off early to get a few holes in. We arrived at the club at 5.40 and did a little practice in the nets and on the putting green and then set out.

The first hole was ok, a reasonable tee shot, followed by a good second leaving me 150 yards to the green. Alas, I hit the ball to the right and finished in the rough at the side of the green; a good chip put me onto the green leaving a 20 foot putt for par. Last time I made par here but it was not to be on this occasion. I three putted for a 7 but a pleasing start never the less. Little did I know that a theme was starting on this hole. 

The tee shoot on the second was straight but short. I completely duffed up the second by hitting it 5 yards! At this point of the hole there is a large gap between 2 clumps of trees. Unfortunately the gap is split by a solitary tree just to the right of centre. I decided to aim for the left hand gap and keep the ball low. The ball indeed kept low, about 2 feet off the ground and pitched at the base of the lone tree on a root shooting straight up in the air, nearly braining a squirrel as it hit a branch and continued in a forward direction for about 30 yards. It took me 3 more shots to green; where I sank a 20 foot putt for a seven.

We had a choice at this point; continue to third hole, go to the seventeenth or play the seventh. We decided to go to the seventh as we wouldn’t get back to the club house if we continued and would be walking back in the dark. 

It took me 5 shots to the green on this long par 5 but 3 putts to finish on 8. A similar story happened on the par 4 eighth and on the par 3 ninth another disastrous 7. We moved onto the tenth but by now the light was fading badly. My tee shot went 60 yards to the left, so I decided to try using a 7 iron and just try and hit the ball to the hole in small stages. It took 3 more shots and I was on the apron of the green. Yet again it took 3 shots to finish, so the round went:  7,7,8,8,7,7. This was at least consistent but, like Sunday, bore no resemblance to golf, unless it is prefixed by word ‘fiasco’. 

It will be too dark to play next week, so we’ll head off for some range practice instead. I think we need it.

It's only a bit of rain!

It rained, it rained very hard.

Fortunately the weather appeared to clear up and so Ross and I headed up to the club.
We got the clubs out and got ready. At that point the lightning started and thunder could be heard. Golfers headed down the fourteenth fairway from the fifteenth tee; gathering those on the fourteenth and all headed back towards the clubhouse. Golfers appeared from all directions to shelter from the storm. There was very little rain; just a light drizzle and the gap between flash and thunder was over 10 seconds. It also appeared to be moving to the south. Ross and I did some practice in the nets and, as the course was clear, we then wandered over to the first tee. 

By now there was blue sky appearing from the north and the rain had all but stopped. We teed off; Ross hit a perfect drive up the middle, my tee shot went off to the right into the first cut. I hit a magnificent second leaving me just over 100 yards short and then put my third into a bunker on the left in front of the green. A magnificent shot out of the bunker gave me a 5 footer to par the hole, which was the first time I have ever made par on this hole. I had beaten Ross by 3 shots and was buzzing, this was going to be a fantastic round and I was going to get close to 100. Unfortunately I had hit my peak far too early; what followed was almost, but not entirely, quite unlike golf. I don’t know what it was I was doing but playing golf certainly wasn’t in the top 100 descriptions.

Disaster after disaster happened and I was followed by the bogey fairy. I did manage to redeem myself on a couple of holes; a 6 on the twelfth was good and there were pars on the thirteenth and fifteenth, both par 3s. Overall, however I couldn’t hit a tee shot to save my life; most of the rest of the shots only went 100 or so yards, one actually went 90 degrees to where I was aiming ending up 30 yards behind me. It was a good job there were no other golfers out and that, by the time we got to the seventeenth green it was becoming difficult to see. My putting was the only part of my game that deserved the description of ‘golf’; averaging 2 per hole.

Ross wasn’t happy with his round either and both of us are going to have to get down the range and do some practice. For my part I will have to read the definition of the word golf and see if I can actually do anything that remotely resembles it. 

There were positives from the round though. I hit some really good bunker shots, a couple of my approach shots were good and the putting was much improved. I also added a couple of extra par holes to my tally, so I’m getting close to a par round; albeit stretched over many months and numerous attempts.

With the nights drawing in now it means less time for golf and our Thursday evening jaunts will be severely time constrained. Practice will be done on the floodlight range and the likelihood of handicaps is not high.  

We will try and make at least on last hurrah this Thursday and head out just after 5 o’clock; that should give us enough time for 8 holes. 

Hopefully this time I’ll be able to call it golf; well at least a little bit of it.

I've got my car back

It finally happened. Yesterday I got my car back.

The problem with injector has now been fixed. There is still a problem with the rear washer; I did ask the garage to look at it but they failed to do so. They did also find that the front discs and pads will require changing in the not too distant future. Although this won’t be cheap; they are consumables and need changing every now and then, and as the car has done 186,000 miles I would have been naïve to think this wouldn’t be necessary. The rear washer can be dealt with at the same time.

I do wish, however, that I had asked for a re-spray as the Mercedes Invisible Blue colour scheme is becoming a tad annoying. I have had the car back 1 day, yes 1 day and already 5 people have either not seen it or chosen to ignore it! The first guy decided to come down my side of the road as his was blocked by parked vehicles; even though I was already passing these vehicles. Fortunately there was a gap he could get into, though he couldn’t have seen it when he started to pass the vehicles. The second occurrence happened at the same point; this time the woman driving the other car stopped much quicker and backed up to let me through. The other instances included someone pulling out on me on a roundabout and a couple of idiots on the motorway.

I may finally get to use it to go to the golf club tomorrow; if the weather holds out.  The problem is that it’s getting dark so much earlier now so we have to get there earlier. Fortunately Michelle doesn’t need me to help on Thursday nights, so I can go as soon as I’ve done everyone’s dinner. 

The other good news is that I have an interview on Monday. The job doesn’t pay what I’d like but I can make up for it on overtime. The shifts are Monday to Friday 6am to 2pm so much scope for doing a few hours extra a week. As long as it isn’t on a Tuesday (when Pompey are at home), a Wednesday, (so I can help Michelle), or a Thursday. Weekends when Pompey are away would be ok too. It might work out pretty good. I actually wouldn’t mind doing earlies all the time; so much better that going in for 2pm and working until 10pm or nights.

UPDATE:

It’s now Friday and yesterday evening we played golf. It gets dark a lot earlier now so we left at 5.30 and managed to play 8 holes before the gloom set in. A mixed bag really; some bloody awful shots interspersed with brilliant shots. It was good just to get out; considering the weather over the last few days. 

This weekend is leafleting again but it looks like rain; so it’ll be time to get creative with the papier maché.

A Tale of Two Sundays

Today has been a day of contrasts.

This morning we were steeling ourselves for 4 hours of stuffing leaflets into letter boxes in Portsmouth. It is Slimming World’s end of summer promotion, and Michelle had arranged for me, the kids and some of their friends to carpet bomb the letter boxes of Copnor with leaflets advertising her Slimming World sessions. Unfortunately the weather thought differently; it was bogging it down this morning in Pompey, interspersed with slightly less damp periods. I don’t mind being out in the rain; after all there are many types of foul weather clothing which will keep one dry. The problem is the leaflets. It doesn’t matter how you store them, at some point they will be required to be exposed to the elements and in ‘standard British bogging it down’ weather they get wet very quickly. Some people don’t like ‘junk’ mail coming through their letter box and indeed they put up notices informing itinerant leaflet and newspaper posters of this point of view. Others don’t mind and will either have a look or just put them into the recycling bin. I think that most people, however, would object to wet papier maché being deposited on their hall carpet.

We waited an hour but the weather didn’t let up, so we came home again. Leafleting was postponed until tomorrow.

This left me at somewhat of a loose end. I watched the British Touring Car championship racing and a bit of golf. After lunch the weather started to pick up and, eventually, at about 3.30 I went off to play golf.

When I arrived the sky was mainly blue with a few fluffy white clouds and a fine afternoon’s golfing was in store. Apparently. Unfortunately nobody told my inner golfer and he proceeded to play in Maurice Flitcroft mode.

I shot 11 on the first hole. The second was better with a 7 but the third was a complete disaster; a lost ball from the tee. The next tee shot went straight into the bunker in front of the green. I say bunker; it looked more like Langstone Harbour when the tide had just gone out. I improved slightly on the fourth but reverted to type on the next 2 holes.

 I sort of improved again over the next few holes even managing a one over par 5 on the eleventh. Coming up next was my nemesis hole, the twelfth. Normally I score 9 or over on this hole, but on Thursday I managed a 5. Today, the tee shot went straight but not too far and into the first cut rough. My second only went about 100 yards. I practiced the next shot many times as I waited for the green to clear. I was over 150 yards out. The ball flew up into the air exactly where I aimed it and came to rest 4 feet from the hole. I was on the green for 3! This had never happened before. I had a simple putt to par the hole. I lined up the shot; the green appeared to show a left to right bias so I aimed slightly left. The ball rolled towards the hole with perfect weight and turned left to right as predicted, and then sat there to the right of the hole, right on the edge mocking me. A monstrous laugh seemed to emanate from each of its little white dimples; a cacophony of evil mockery. Bastard! Still, another 5 on this hole was good and I felt like Jeff from the Money Supermarket ad on the telly.

I finished my round on the par 3 thirteenth with a 5. The shock of the previous hole had gone to my head and I took 4 putts. I now felt like Jeff after he asked his wife if she had seen him surfing.

Tomorrow is leafleting; unfortunately the weather looks like it’ll be ok. There may be good news; however, I should get my car back. With any luck I might also get a reply to one of the 11 jobs I’ve applied for; and the Fairway Fairies will help me go round in under 80.

The wait is over.

Golf at last!

Tonight Ross and I managed to get out and play 7 holes. It was a beautiful evening; not a cloud in the sky and the sunset was magnificent.

The golf was pretty good too; I only duffed up 2 of the holes. We started on the ninth and I should have got a par but 2 putted for a 4. The tenth was a disaster hole; I hit the tee shot into the rough on the right and had to play a chip onto the eleventh to be able to play back onto the correct hole. I scored a 10 in the end! The eleventh wasn’t too bad; 6 shots for a net par 4. The next hole is the one I fear the most. This is the hole I am lucky to keep in single figures. If ever there was a bogey hole it’s this one. We were about to start the twelfth hole! Normally I hit the ball from the tee so it ends up in the long rough or trees on the right. Tonight I aimed slightly left and it went slightly left ending about 185 yards from the green in the first cut of rough. I had hit my tee shot 230 yards, and the second shot was playable and in sight of the green! I practiced a few shots with my 5 wood and hit the ball. This was my best shot of the day; the ball pitched on the green behind a slight rise, so I didn’t see where it ended up. Ross was about the same distance out as me, but his second shot didn’t go quite as far, ending up just on the edge of a bunker next to the green. This was a tricky shot, pulled of magnificently leaving him a longish put for the par. Unfortunately he took 2 putts to finish off. Meanwhile my ball had run off the green into some rough. I chipped it onto the green, but had hit it a little too hard; the ball rolled about 5 feet past the hole going only a couple of inches wide. I also 2 putted to finish on a 5. This was my best score on this hole by a long way. This should help me next time I play this hole; I now know I can play well on it.

We both made par on the short thirteenth. As the light was fading we decided to play the first and come back down the eighth to finish. I really didn’t play the first well at all; I ended on a 9. Unfortunately a couple of lads appeared on the seventh green as we approached the first so we decided to play the eighteenth instead. I almost made a par; just slightly misjudging the borrow and the ball just clipped the edge of the hole.

It was a really enjoyable evening; the weather was beautiful and we both played some good golf. The sun brightly illuminated the sliver of moon hanging low in the sky, and I was able to forget my troubles for a couple of hours.

 I’m still unemployed but I did apply for three jobs today. There was also a good piece of news; my car will be ready tomorrow. The garage is waiting on a part from Mercedes, which should arrive first thing in the morning. After fitting there will be a road test, so with any luck I’ll have the car back by lunchtime or just after.

Ironically, one of the jobs I’ve applied for comes with a company car; well it will be ironic if I get the job and have to flog the Merc.

I also may have solved the mystery of the man with the reinforced trousers I mentioned last time. Apparently a man was detained in the USA with 3 exotic snakes and 2 tortoises in his trousers. Now you would need them reinforced with that little lot in them. Maybe we unwittingly overheard the dastardly plot being discussed on Tuesday morning.

Yet again I fell asleep writing this; I hope reading it doesn’t have the same effect!