Mr Rickman, you ruined my diet!

We’ve been away for a few days.

The author Phil Rickman was launching his new book ‘The Secrets of Pain’ at Kentchurch Court in Herefordshire. Michelle is a huge fan and, we went to a previous launch in Herefordshire 2 years too.  Kentchurch is a 3 hour drive away, so we thought we’d turn it into a short break and booked ourselves into the Kilpeck Inn, surprisingly in the village of Kilpeck, only a few miles away from Kentchurch. 

We arrived early so we could have some lunch at The Bridge in Kentchurch.  It was just as well we arrived just as they opened or we would not have got in!  I advise booking in advance… The food was fantastic, especially the toffee fudge cheesecake! The diet disappeared out of the window, jumped into the river and was last seen heading towards Monmouth.

It was originally going to be an outdoor affair but rain and electric amplifiers don’t mix. As it turned out the weather was much improved by the start but it was too much to move everything back outside. This did cause a problem as it was held in a long corridor with a long set of steps at the end; at the top of which a band was set up to play some music. For those who haven’t read Phil’s Merrily series books (I’m afraid to say I’m one) there is a fictitious band featured called Hazey Jane II (2 in Roman numerals) and song titles are mentioned. These have been worked on by a folk band from Scotland and it is they who appear at the events; with Phil guesting on guitar and vocals. This was followed by tea and sandwiches and then Phil held a question and answer section. I said earlier I haven’t read his books, and certainly the songs went over my head, but Phil is a personable chap and very funny to talk to. I may have to start reading the books.

Kilpeck is reached from Kentchurch by narrow single track lanes. The scenery is stunning and the pub is in a beautiful setting. Michelle was impressed straight away, not only by the marvellous views, but also the conker trees next to the car park. On checking in we were taken to our room; there are only 4 at the inn and ours was the biggest. It was fantastic with a bed the size of Hampshire and a brilliant bathroom. The pub wasn’t serving food that night as they had a quiz, so Michelle had prepared some Slimming World stuff for us to counter the earlier calorie fest at The Bridge.

Once this had been polished off, we went into the bar and bagged ourselves a spot at the bar. All the tables in that part of the pub were taken and we didn’t want to sit in the restaurant part, well ok we were near the handpumps so that may have influenced our decision. The quiz consisted of 6 parts, including a picture and a music round. Considering we ran a music quiz at one point scoring 4 out of 10 on that round was a tad embarrassing. When the result was announced we had scored 47 out of 60 and finished second; the winners had scored 49 and if we hadn’t changed our mind on three questions we would have won and trousered £55! Still, it was jolly good fun and I knocked back far too much Butty Bach beer.

The next morning was beautiful. 

The excellent breakfast was served in the conservatory giving us some great views across the fields. We contrasted it with a certain guest house in York about 3 years ago; the owner had greeted a couple who turned up just before the end of service with a brusque “So you decided to join us then!”, and had then had a short conversation with a guest who wanted her eggs cooked differently to the way in which they had been served… He looked down his nose and suggested that he would do them his way and they could take it from there! The place was liberally dotted about with cameras and he even had a baby monitor in the breakfast room to see if we were talking about him! To paraphrase Tim Vine; It was a once in a lifetime experience. Never again!

Close by is the village of Garway; where there is a Knight’s Templar church. It took a bit of finding, but eventually we managed to get there and parked up. The church has been much altered over the years, the round Templar nave has been replaced with a rectangular one; however some remains of the original have been excavated in the churchyard. Michelle found the atmosphere in the church a bit oppressive so we explored the outside before deciding to head off to Ross-on-Wye for lunch. As we were leaving a lot of people from the previous day’s launch arrived and asked if we were staying for the guided tour, which we weren’t. (Phil has featured the church in one of his books)

Ross-on-Wye was a bit of a disappointment; we drove round but decided to go to Hereford instead. Here we had lunch and did some shopping before returning to Kilpeck.

Dinner had been booked for 8 o’clock. The restaurant was full when we were shown to our table, and we soon understood why when our food arrived. I can heartily recommend the pub and its restaurant; along with The Bridge at Kentchurch also. 

Once again we had a fine breakfast, but were somewhat concerned when we overheard a snippet of conversation between our fellow guests. ‘Are your trousers reinforced?’ said a lady to her husband at the next table. What could this mean?  What possible activity would he be engaged in which would require his trousers to be reinforced. Was it a hangover from beatings by the headmaster in his younger days? Was he expecting a sound thrashing from his wife? Maybe she wasn’t his wife and they had come away for that very purpose. I have no idea of his reply as I was desperately trying not to choke on a piece of bacon at the time. Whatever reason he needed for reinforcement of the trouser department I can only hope it was money well spent.

After checking out, we walked along to the church in the village. This was well worth the visit. It was built in the 12^th century; replacing an existing Saxon church. The style is the Herefordshire School of Sculpture; which combines Celtic, Anglo-Saxon, Scandinavian and French Romanesque forms. It is outstanding. The carving round the door is exquisite and the corbels (small carved forms on the outside under the guttering) are worth the trip on their own. Near the church are the remains of a Norman castle; Kilpeck was a thriving walled medieval town until devastated by the Black Death in 1349. Ironically, it was this that saved the church from being replaced by a grander affair, leaving us with a fine example of this style of architecture. Michelle took many pictures of the church and its surroundings which she is going to put on her blog; http://michellejonesmedia.blogspot.com . Please take some time to look at them, better still visit the church for yourself, just make sure you don’t go at the same time as us ‘cos you’re not having our room!

We’re back home now. Tomorrow I’ll find out how the car is doing and chase up the agencies. The weather is going to improve; Thursday will be nice and sunny so Ross and I will head off for some golf. I’m pretty sure Phil must have got the inspiration for his latest title from golf. It’s definitely painful and it’s a secret how to play it.

Manic Wednesday

Wednesday turned out to be a long day.

It started off in the usual manner; I took Michelle to work, but this time in my nice shiny Mercedes. I then came home, set up Michelle’s laptop and scales and then went for my fortnightly signing down the Old King Cole office. I think we’re supposed to say Jobcentre these days but that’s a little like newspeak in Orwell’s 1984; the Ministry of Truth, or the BBC as it’s now called.

I called into Asda for some shopping; mainly for Michelle’s slimming groups’ raffles and came home to sort out her crates. This didn’t leave a lot of time before going to fetch her from work. Once home, I put the crates and all her other paraphernalia in the car. Most of it went in the boot unlike the Peugeot. She swiftly got changed and we set off to her group; calling for one of her members on the way. During the drive down to Pompey my phone rang and Michelle answered it for me; it was the agency which had got me the interview last week, so she said I’d ring back as soon as we got to Pompey. I eagerly phoned back, but alas the news was not good; I had not got the job, they had given it to someone who fitted the role better. (Strangely, I saw the job re-advertised with same agency today, so much for the other guy then.)

After helping set up the hall I went home to cook the dinner for everyone. I discovered that the car is an interesting colour; ‘Mercedes Invisible Blue’, as there were several people who tried to occupy the same space as me. Dinner was duly cooked and eaten and I then set off to collect Michelle and Marion.

We had to drive to Havant to drop off Marion, but as we got to the top of the slipway off the motorway the car started juddering and lots of smoke came out from under the bonnet. We were very close to Marion’s house so I managed to get the car there, where we called out the AA.  I had a think about what had happened and concluded that, as the temperature had remained ok, the juddering meant one of the injectors had failed. The mechanic arrived relatively quickly, about 30 minutes, and had a look. Sure enough on of the injectors had popped out. He checked the bolt thread, which was ok and tried to refit it. Unfortunately, the bolt was having none of it and wouldn’t tighten. I tried starting the car but the injector just popped out again. The mechanic said he would call for a flatbed truck as, being an automatic, he couldn’t tow us home. He then departed and we started the wait for the flatbed.  After 30 minutes we phoned the AA for an update and were told the truck would be there at 11.30pm due to there being a lot of breakdowns that night. It was 9.45pm by then, so I called Ross to see if he could come and pick up Michelle while I waited for the truck.

I began my vigil and played golf on the phone. The next AA man turned up in a transit which had an extendable trolley in the back. He wasn’t sure this would work, but he tried to get the car on the trolley. Being a rear wheel drive automatic it meant that the car could be towed provided the rear wheels were lifted. It took half an hour to get his kit ready and then load the car. At this point he found he couldn’t close the back door of his van, as being an estate car the back of the car got in the way. 

By now it was nearly midnight and the flatbed, which was now being re-ordered, would arrive at about 1.25am. Deep Joy. I settled down to my phone golf and waited. Not for too long as it turned out. The flatbed arrived at about 12.45am and by 1.05am the car was back on our drive, where Matt helped me unload it. I could now go to bed.

Thursday morning I phoned the garage from where I bought the car, and they couldn’t have been more helpful. Being located 50 miles away meant towing it back wasn’t an option but the guy tried several other options before saying I should get it towed to my local garage for the repair and for them to bill him. He was embarrassed about the whole thing and couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful.  It’s good to see customer service still survives.

The car has now gone and will be looked at on Tuesday. We were hoping to go away in it this weekend but we will have to wait for another time. 

Michelle will have to use her car for work tomorrow, so Kev will have to pick me up in his car to go to see Pompey play Cardiff.

Hopefully the gods are now bored with tormenting me and help me find a job.

Back on the road again

I’m mobile again.

On Saturday I picked up the new car. There are a few niggly problems with it; at twelve years old there are bound to be a few. There’s a bit of rust on the bottom of the tailgate; not too much of a problem, easily sorted. 

The fuel gauge doesn’t work properly. I didn’t notice on the test drive as it was showing just under a quarter full and didn’t alter. When I picked it up it was still about the same level, so I thought there’d be enough to get home. After 5 miles the warning light came on, so I pulled into the next petrol station and put a couple of gallons in. The gauge seemed ok so off I went. After 10 miles or so the warning light came on again, a tad annoying. I knew there was plenty of fuel to get home, so I continued until I got to Morrison’s, where I filled up. The gauge now showed a healthy full! We used the car that day a few times and the gauge would show either full or completely empty! On my way home from picking the car up I called into my local garage and booked the car in for a service and general look at, so the gauge can be dealt with then. 

The other problem was that the rear washer doesn’t work. I had noticed this at the test drive. The motor’s ok so I asked them to look at it. Needless to say this wasn’t dealt with. Yesterday I took the covers off and removed the washer pipe where it entered the wiper unit. The water came through ok, so it looks like there’s a blockage in the unit. I tried poking out the holes with a pin to no avail. I have tried spraying the pipe work and holes with a grime and lime cleaner, but this appears to have had little effect. Ho hum, another thing for the garage to look at, it’ll probably clear by blowing with compressed air.

These are the only problems that I’ve found with the car, so far. The engine sounds good and goes like stink! It’s good to be able to accelerate again; the Peugeot was crap but this really moves. It is a 5 speed auto box and the kick down is fantastic. The interior is good, hardly any wear apart from the mat on the driver’s side. Not bad for a car that’s done over 185,000 miles. All the specs for this model reckon it does a combined 46 mpg, so it’s similar to the Peugeot.

Most importantly my golf clubs and trolley fit perfectly. A marvellous conveyance for a gentleman golfer! Actually the most important thing is that Michelle’s crates fit in, so I tried that, and with a bit of fiddling got them all in with space to spare. This means I should be able to get all her kit in the car without taking up part of the back seat.

There will need to be a couple of additions when I have the money. I’m not sure whether to fit my old Parrot Bluetooth device or go for an all singing and dancing stereo with Bluetooth and MP3 capability. I might go for digital too. 

The other thing is to fit reversing sensors. Our last Merc was very easy to park and manoeuvre and this is the same, but there is a towbar so sensors would help; you just have to position them slightly away from the towbar. I’m not sure if the electrics work on it as I haven’t plugged anything in.

The weather forecast for the next few days is horrible so it looks like golfie is out this week. Actually I don’t think I believe it as the BBC forecast for round here today suggests it should be raining by now and we should have had cloud cover all day. It’s been very nice with lots of sunny periods; it’s sunny now as I write this so the BBC is making things up again, as usual. No doubt they’ll say everything was as they predicted.

This weekend we’re going to a book launch in Herefordshire so no golf then. Phil Rickman has released a new book so we’re off on Sunday morning; we’re staying 2 nights in a pub so should be good fun. We can’t go on Saturday as Michelle is working, but more importantly Pompey are at home to Cardiff so I’ll be going to that. We’ve just re-signed Benjani and a Norwegian international forward, Erik Huseklepp, who has impressed after only 6 minutes against Bristol City on Saturday. This should be a good game, and hopefully finish with 3 points to Pompey.

I’m not sure which car to take; I suppose it’ll depend on how the Merc does at the garage. It does seem that every time we get a new car we go away for a few days and this one is no exception. Normally we get the car then decide to go away in it, this time we actually booked some time ago, so maybe that’s why we now have a new car.

Home on the range

As predicted there was no golfie tonight; the weather has been far too awful and, although it stopped raining, the course would have been somewhat quagmireish. Instead we went to the driving range in Portsmouth; with mixed success. I was terrible to start with and couldn’t hit anything; with any club, so I took the pitching wedge and tried short pitches. These went well, but every time I tried to hit a bit further I duffed it. I then tried a different approach. I addressed the ball with my feet together and then moved them apart as usual but I also moved my right foot back a few inches, making sure it was straight, and then moved the left foot back. It worked a treat; I was hitting the ball straight(ish) and over 100 yards. The routine was repeated for all my other clubs and worked, with varying degrees of success. I didn’t duff any shots; some went off to the right but were in the air and travelling; not rolling along the ground. I now need to try this out for real. 

Unfortunately, the course is closed tomorrow, I can’t go Saturday, or Sunday, and anyway the course is closed for a competition on Sunday. This means I’ll have to go next week.

The good news, especially for Ross, is that I will be driving. Yes the car has an MOT, is taxed, and I pick it up on Saturday morning. I can’t wait!

 Since we played last, Ross has been looking up insurance policies; just in case he has a ‘lucky’ shot like mine, except not quite so lucky. It would appear that various deals are on offer and Ross has decided on which one he will take. The policy comes with freebies apparently; free balls, and various 2 for 1 offers. He’s going to recommend me and will receive some more free golf balls for doing so. This means we’ll have plenty of ammunition for claiming on the insurance.

I actually wrote this in bed last night but promptly fell asleep, almost dropping the laptop. Fortunately Michelle woke me up and I shut the thing down and put it on the floor. 

The annoying thing today is the weather is great, but the course is closed. Still at least I can’t damage anything in the car park.