Back on the bike

Yesterday I played golf. 

Actually it is probably more correct to say that I walked round a golf course with a set of clubs. To say I played like a muppet is an understatement; I played like Stadtler and Waldorf! 

This was in stark contrast to Thursday evening. Ross and I went out at seven in the evening for a few holes before the light faded. I actually beat him by 1 stroke on the final hole. This was the thirteenth and is a par three. I hit a wonderful tee shot to within 18 inches of the hole and sank that putt for my first ever birdie! Woohoo a birdie! I’m not sure what sort but it could have been a Green Woodpecker as there are plenty living on the course. In fact there is a great deal of wildlife around, in common with most golf courses I should think. 

There are rabbits and most definitely foxes; I may not have actually seen a fox but the remains of a rabbit leg on the 12^th tee box was a bit of a giveaway. That got me thinking, if below par is named after birds then why can’t above par shots be named after the local wildlife. So one over par could be a squirrel, two could be a rabbit and three over a hare. This would be good for me because at the end of the round I should have a fairly impressive menagerie on my card.

Yesterday’s round consisted mainly of elephants, giraffes and a couple of wallabies, animals not normally found in the Hampshire countryside; although wallabies have been seen in the neighbouring counties of Dorset and West Sussex. How can I play so well one day and the next so appallingly? After the first three holes I was heading for sixty over par and it went downhill from there on. To be fair I did hit one or two good shots but overall I think I would have been better off knocking the ball around with a stick of celery. 

What to do now? If you fall off a bike the best thing to do, once you’ve recovered, is to get back on; the same applies to golf, if you have a bad round get back out on the course as soon as possible and that is precisely what I’ll do. Tomorrow evening it’s off to the club I go to batter a few ball balls up the practice range and into the hedge and then to play 5 holes to exorcise my demons. Actually it will probably be exercise my demons because they could do with getting some weight off.

The trick is not to lose composure; yes it was disappointing to play badly but there is always the next hole, then the next, then the next. You have to keep some perspective after all it’s only a game! I’m fairly sure most places could form a synchronised club hurling team. In fact maybe it should be an Olympic sport, with various disciplines; synchronisation, longest distance for a seven iron and quickest time to bend an entire set of clubs. 

So now I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow, remember my lessons and enjoy the great outdoors. Who knows, I might even get another birdie; it’ll be a crow and it’ll steal my ball.