What to wear?

Dress code forms an important part of golf. This was one of the things which put me off for years. The libertarian in me saw no reason why I couldn’t go round in a pair of jeans and a T shirt. Having finally set foot on a golf course; both public and private club, I have changed my mind somewhat. Watching complete idiots hacking their way round, beer bellies hanging out over their slightly too small cargo shorts has convinced me that some decorum and sartorial savvy is required. 

What should a chap wear to his golf club of choice? As I have become more mature in years and watched a sad decline in standards in this country, I have been drawn to that most eloquent defender of all things British and proper, The Chap magazine.  I haven’t been brave enough myself to purchase a fine pair of brogues and some tweeds but they are strangely appealing but I don’t really want to end up looking like Bertie Wooster. The problem with tweed is that the colours are fixed with urine and smelling like an old folk’s home doesn’t go down well in the club house, especially with some of the older members who might suddenly have panic attacks and head for the car park.

Are there any other styles I can adopt? I am reliably informed that there are some who apparently dress like Pancho Villa, in a large sombrero, bandoliers, chaps, boots and spurs. I haven't seen anyone dressed in such a manner but I look forward to it, although it wouldn’t suit me as I can’t ride a horse. I wonder if there are any dressed as pirates? 

What am I left with? My libertarian side has been told that a certain Mr John Daly has an interesting collection in golfist apparel; this gives scope for both being a rebel and a conformist at the same time and if that doesn’t cause a dichotomy then I’m Jack Nicklaus. Having seen some of this, ahem, let’s say colourful attire, I think you would have to be a jolly good golfer to wear it. 

Should I go for the designer golf gear? It would make look like a real golfer but far too expensive. For me then it’s a pair of M&S trousers and a polo shirt from George at Asda. Not exactly chap attire but it does for me. I can now go onto the course and into the club house knowing I’m not going to send any committee members into apoplexy.

I also have my club sweater, complete with logo, oh yes I really look the part; now all I need to do is to learn to talk tosh in the bar. Actually I can do that already it’s just a different subject.  Ross and I have already had some banter in the clubhouse. On the way out I was sure I could hear jangling and was that a horse I saw tied up in the car park?