One golf course which I play in all weathers is Padstow; the crazy golf course that is, and this year is no exception. We arrived too late on Friday to play and on Saturday my daughter was too ill to go out but by Sunday she was a lot better so off golfing we went.
The first hole is tricky. A miniature house fills the full width with an 8 inch hole to get the ball through. This coupled with a concrete surface that looks like the moon makes for a difficult first shot. Fortunately we have our own rules, which means that you get three chances to knock the ball through and then it is thrown through, all for a score of one shot. This developed because when the kids were younger their sense of aiming was a little awry. They have refused all attempts since to amend this rule, so it applies to all holes. We were all safely through the hole for 2 shots each, although some of our 2 shots were more genuine than others.
Next is the railway viaduct hole. This is a three span bridge and you would think fairly easy to get through as the gaps are wider than the pillars. It’s funny how a small golf ball can hit a 6 inch wide pillar instead of a foot wide gap with unerring accuracy. Still onwards and in the case of the next few holes, upwards.
The lighthouse hole is next. Many years ago the light in the top used to work but the recession hit and now numerous small boats run into the side of the course. The structure straddles the hole with quite a large gap for the ball. We can all make the gap, but unfortunately some do not hit the ball hard enough to reach the plateau and it rolls back to the bottom. Rule of 3 applies and on we go.
Wishing wells are magical places and are generally thought to have fairies or water sprites inhabit them, or, as we are in Cornwall, Piskies. The well at this hole is no exception despite having no water or indeed a hole in which to throw your money. Once again the structure straddles the hole with a large gap underneath. The concrete follows an uphill left hand dogleg. However, when the ball is hit through the gap it doesn’t carry on but mysteriously fails to appear on the other side of the well and then, a few moments later, comes back towards you faster than it left the club. Fairies I tell you. Mostly they do this only once, just to remind you of their presence, although on this visit, they are in fine form and chucking it back at us more often than not.
The fifth hole appears straightforward enough. It is uphill, straight and the gap is about three feet wide at the top. The way to play this hole is to hit the ball slightly to the right as the concrete has a tendency to make the ball curl left. The Rule of 3 has been used on this hole many times, especially by my mum as she just can’t get the hang of it. My wife is an expert at hitting the right hand corner at the top of the slope; she can do this over and over again…There used to be a wooden structure covering the entire top platform of this hole but has now gone.
We call the next hole ‘The Bridge’. I really like this hole as getting a hole in one is possible but requires judging the speed just right. The surface makes the ball deviate wildly but if you hit it just right between the craters it will go straight in. It is also possible to bounce it on off the back wall but that’s quite rare. The pictures show my wife, Michelle, achieving this very thing
The zigzag is also an uphill hole. Rule of 3 often applies here. You just wait for the ball to come back to you. If you miss it though it heads for the hole in the corner and runs off down the hill. Once up the top it’s usually just a simple putt for a two.
The Ancient Egyptians never envisaged their tombs to be an amusing distraction on a crazy golf course. Here at Padstow there is a 4 sided pyramid. The idea is to hit the ball up one side and into 1 of three holes. The ball then will come out on one of the other three sides. The right hand side goes nowhere so you have to start again. We don’t bother and just hit the ball at an angle so it goes over the side of the pyramid and off towards the hole. Many holes in 1 have been scored using this method but it is amusing to watch newbies try and get the ball down the holes.
We now come to the ninth hole which is one of the most difficult of all. The area is shaped like an arrow and in the middle is a mound with the hole in. This used to be quite high and was like a bowl so if you did get it over the lip the ball would go in. This was considered too easy so the top was sliced off to form a plateau and the entire surface is shiny so the ball goes off in all directions. We decided that we’d make this a maximum of three shots because even if you got the ball on the plateau the surface would make sure the ball would not stay on the top. This hole is devious in its shiny evilness.
The three pictures above show me actually getting a hole in one. I did this twice in succession but I'm not letting on the secret.
This is the midpoint of the round. The scores are usual quite close here; within 3 shots or so, and there is all to play for on the next part of the course.
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