When the kids were little the 10th hole had a large stone, which acted as a sort of roundabout; the course went downhill around its edge and did almost full 360 degrees. In the top of the stone was a sword. It would appear that the true King has been found as the sword is no longer there. We did see David Cameron in Padstow a couple of years ago and was that a hacksaw I saw poking out of his bag?
The whale hole is slightly disturbing. There are 3 routes to the hole. You can knock the ball down a step either side of the whale and then through a gap between its tail and the side wall. The gaps are only just wider than the ball so these routes are not easy. The third route is into the whale’s open mouth. The ball emerges from the whale’s bottom in a direct line with the hole. I’m sure that I’m not the only one that finds small round, multi-coloured turds emerging from a whale’s anus disconcerting.
We are now firmly on the home stretch. This hole takes us down a level quite literally. You play down a slope and round a corner to the hole, but that isn’t the end of it. The hole leads to a pipe which deposits the ball into a bowl about 4 feet lower than where you’re standing. The ball swirls round and round and eventually ends up in the cup; unless you are very, very unlucky. We cheat here the score is always marked as a 2 unless a lucky bounce sends the ball down the tube for 1.
You would think that a waterwheel hole would be enormous fun. Aim at the wheel, it would rotate and deposit your ball near the hole. Unfortunately that isn’t the case here. The wheel is at the side behind a chimney and there is a bridge across the width of course. The ball can either go under the bridge or up and down a ramp at the side. It’s still fun as missing the gap seems to be de rigeur.
The 14th hole used to have a ramp up to an outsized clown’s head; the idea being to get the ball through the clown’s mouth. This was thought of a being too scary for the kids so it has been replaced with the head of a Cyberman; not scary at all. If hit correctly this usually ends up being a hole in one. On our last round this holiday all 5 of us scored a hole in one.
Remember Hotwheels and the loop for the cars? This hole has a loop made from a tyre. It’s impossible to get a hole in one using the tyre. If you aim through the tiny gap between the loops it’s feasible but the odds of Martians landing at Wembley are lower.
Everyone loves the 16th hole. It starts of uphill for about a foot then drops down to a strange configuration. There are 3 holes the ball can go down; all leading to a central channel. By the holes there are channels to the left and right. The right hand channel is a no no as the ball has no chance of going in the hole. The left hand channel has a good chance of a hole in one; however it enters a tunnel on the way and can divert to come out where the right hand channel emerges. Good fun is had by all on this one as attempts to get to the left hand channel can result in the ball disappearing off the hole and down the hill.
There is a knack to this hole. It is an undulating hole; there are several peaks and troughs before reaching a flat bit. Not unlike some real greens I’ve played. The trick is to aim the ball to hit the concrete edge of the course just as it widens out close to the hole. This technique has scored me many holes in one.
At last we reach the final hole which is a castle that has seen better days. There is a dry moat crossed by a rickety drawbridge. Once over the bridge the ball goes through the castle straight towards the hole. Well that’s the theory. In practice the concrete surface takes the ball in any direction except towards the hole. We usually end up with a 2 here.
That’s the end of the tour of Padstow golf course. On our holiday this year we have played nearly every day; which is expensive for 5 of us. We have had fun though; killing ourselves laughing at the cheats that have gone on, the excuses for restarts and the seemingly impossible holes in one. This is a fun course and I would recommend everybody should play it and never, repeat never, take it seriously. Cheating is half the fun. There is also a café here and it has the best view of any café in Padstow. You are high up and can see the harbour and look south down the Camel estuary. The view is worth the price of playing on its own
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