He's been fitting a new kitchen at his ex wife's house, and came home for a few days. This meant that on Monday morning we set off to play golf. He was still working hard when Karen (the ex) checked and found that he was on an earlier ferry than he thought, so he rushed around chucking his stuff in the van, including the golf clubs. It was only when he was safely ensconced in his cabin and at sea, that he realised that he had left his golf shoes in Guernsey!
No problem, he could call into Portsmouth golf centre and buy a new pair. But what to buy, he already had a black pair and a brown pair, and not being the type who wears trainers, he was left with little choice, and so opted for a pair of white shoes with fake crocodile saddles.
It was with these shoes he appeared at my house early on Monday morning. They were positively glowing in their newness; indeed I suggested that, should we lose any balls in the undergrowth, they could act as spotlights to help illuminate the search.
On arrival we saw that the car park was full and that a large group of senior members were about to go out en masse. We repaired to the bar and partook of coffee and bacon butties. After this, we tried a few practice swings on the range and some putting practice. It was a reasonably fine day (so far) but windy. This was to have a large effect on our game but on the first it wasn't too bad. I did, however put my second shot over the hedge dividing the first and eighteenth fairways taking 2 shots to get back to the right hole. We finished with an 8 for me and a 7 for Ross.
For me the second was a slight disaster, I lost a ball in the undergrowth on the right and took a penalty drop. My next shot put me over the other side of the fairway, leaving a difficult shot to get through the gap. After I had taken this shot and walked forward I noticed a ball on the fairway, looking around I realised that someone on the tee box had taken his tee shot without waiting for me to clear the fairway or to be invited through. This is against all golf etiquette, but I ignored it and carried on. In the meantime Ross played his second shot down the seventeenth as his tee shot had landed beautifully in the centre of that hole's fairway. I finished on an 8 for that hole and I think Ross made par. I made par myself on the next but then made a double bogey on the fourth. By now we had caught up with old chaps in front of us and so we had to wait on every hole; we didn't mind too much though as the banter was good and we were enjoying ourselves. I don't think the 2 chaps behind we're too happy though and the incident on the second wasn't going to be the last. On the sixth Ross made par again and I holed out for 2 over. We weren't playing slowly by any means and so I was slightly miffed when a ball nearly hit me as I walked off the green. There was no warning shout and the 2 chaps just carried on as if nothing had happened.
There were no further instances on the next few holes, but we we're still having to wait for the chaps in front of us; though apparently that was our fault.
My front 9 finished with a 56; making a score of under 100 unlikely, though I might achieve sub 110. Ross, however, was flying. His front 9 finished with a 43. He was determined to break 90 and this was a good start. The shoes were having an effect. Some readers may remember a comic strip in Scorcher, and then Tiger, called 'Billy's Boots'; where a young lad finds a very old pair of football boots which used to belong to a brilliant footballer. The boots are imbued with magical powers allowing Billy to play like the previous owner. Thus it is with Ross's new golf shoes. As the round progressed, and Ross's golf got better and more consistent, we realised these were no ordinary shoes and must have once belonged to a golfing grand master. These were Sam Snead's Shoes, and that's not easy to say three times quickly!
The back 9 was relatively uneventful, I did have a disaster on the sixteenth, but otherwise not too bad. I finished on 59 making a grand total of 115. Considering I've been lucky to be sub 140 lately, that was a very pleasing score. Ross was pushing for his sub 90, and after seventeen holes he was on 84. No pressure going onto the par 4 eighteenth then. Would the power of the shoes desert him or would they help him break the mythical 90 barrier? His tee shot went straight down the fairway, leaving an easy shot onto the green. He now had 3 putts to achieve his goal. The first just missed the hole from 25 feet out. Unfortunately it carried on for a few feet, no gimme at all. The second putt fell short but he sank the third to finish the round on 89! Sam's shoes had done the trick.
As I started walking towards the hole after my second shot, a golf ball landed just behind me, again no warning was issued. Then, as we walked off the green, both of the 'gentlemen' behind started shouting and gesticulating at us to move way. This really was the final straw and Ross was extremely annoyed. The 2 gentlemen don't know how close they came to having to retrieve one of Sam Snead's Shoes from their respective lower intestines. That would have impaired their golf somewhat.
There was no excuse for their behaviour whatsoever. It has to be said their attitude is completely at odds with the rest of the members we have met. I hope they never have the good fortune to find a pair of Sam's shoes, indeed I hope they find Maurice Flitcfroft's hat, that'll stuff them!
For me, alas, I fear that may have been my final round of the year at the club. I can only hope that next year I am able to get home and play a bit, though a full membership would not be good value for money.
Next Monday I start my new job, I will bring news from the world of work and, hopefully, some far flung golf courses.
I may have to get my own pair of magical golf shoes.
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Location:At home in bed
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