Playing Golf the Spanish way

Our week of non-golf is about to end. On Sunday Ross and I are off a-golfing. It’s Captain’s Day but the course should be free after 3 o’clock so we’ll pop along early and get some practice in. The weather forecast is good too, so we’re looking forward to a cracking day out.

Actually it’s probably a good thing we are going later as on Saturday night I’m off round to Ross and Tracey’s for a ‘Spanish’ evening with some other friends. Unfortunately Michelle has to go away for a course and can’t go but I’m not going to miss it. The only problem is that both of us have been back on the Slimming World diet this week and I don’t really want to mess it up. The food will be good on Saturday but knowing Tracey there will be a not inconsiderable amount of butter and cream somewhere on the menu. This throws up something of a dilemma; do I not go and miss seeing friends who go back to Belgium next week and some others I haven’t seen in a while? Or, do I have my dinner before I go and not eat anything? Neither of these options appeal and indeed are quite rude. The solution is to contribute a dish to the proceedings and then try and stay off the rest of it, especially the ‘postres’.  Michelle has come up with a wonderful culinary invention which, if not exactly Spanish, certainly keeps to the spirit of the evening, so I’ll take that. Beer is also out so, as to stay with the theme, I’ll take lashings of Rioja. Actually I think ‘lashings’ only applies to ginger beer so I’ll take ‘un lago’ of Rioja. There are a lot less syns in wine than beer.

This will not only be in keeping, but will also help my golf. How the f… err, How is that going to help? I hear you ask. Well my reasoning is that Miguel Angel Jimenez drinks Rioja. Miguel Angel Jimenez is a good golfer. Ergo drink Rioja and my golf will improve. Add a cigar and I’ll be unbeatable. Not sure if I’ll look like a golfing chap smoking a cigar though. However a pipe would look rather dashing what! These days of course any one seen in possession of a pipe is regarded in the same vein as Pol Pot or Genghis Khan, certainly not the sort to have at the club. Yes, merely to be holding a pipe, unfilled and unlit, is seen as such a heinous crime that the anti-smokers would empty the prisons of murderers and replace them with the pipe brandishing degenerates. Now regardless of the merits of the pro/anti-smoking case; I am a non-rabid, non-smoker, I think the pipe is much maligned. It certainly gives the brandisher some degree of gravitas, leaving the brandishee (I couldn’t resist using that non word, irritating modern habit isn’t it?) in no doubt as to the sincerity of the holder of the item of smoking paraphernalia.  Its use as a point making device is unsurpassed. Lecturers used to use pipes now they use laser pointers, you can’t blind a pilot at 30,000ft with a pipe so they’re safer too.

I’m just sorry that Michelle won’t be there on Saturday. Besides she could kick me under the table if I go for the dessert or any second helpings. Still I will resist as much as I can and think ‘What would Miguel do?’ and have another glass of wine.