My car’s dead! Well it appears to be. On Saturday I went to pick up Michelle from work and on the way back it lost power going uphill on the A3 just south of Petersfield. This also happened about 18 months ago and, after much investigation, was found to be the engine management chip needed a firmware update. My car had lost its marbles and was suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s. This time, however, was different. We crept onwards but after a few miles a warning light came on; ‘Depollution system faulty’ was the cheery message on the dashboard. We crawled home getting ever slower until smoke billowed from the exhaust and then, when eventually we arrived home, smoke appeared from under the bonnet. There wasn’t even enough power to get onto the drive so Matt was enlisted to help push it. There was nothing to do except wait until I could phone the garage on Monday.
An early call brought forth the promise of a recovery vehicle being sent round as soon as it was available. Unfortunately it was only available the second I sat down on the loo, with the car key in my shorts, which were round my ankles.
Having finished my devotions, I went out to the car. It was clear that getting it onto the trailer the recovery man had brought would be difficult. The car was facing inwards and would require turning round in order to get it onto the trailer. This was easier said than done. I tried starting the car and managed to reverse it off the drive and tried to perform a 3 point turn. The Peugeot was having none of it; it simply refused to go forwards so me, Matt, James and the recovery man had to carry out the task manually. As we live at the bottom of a small hill we had to cope with a downward slope in 2 directions. Eventually the car was ready to go up and onto the trailer. Have you noticed how modern cars appear to be lower at the front than they used to be? With silly skirt like things under the bumper? The Peugeot was no exception and it grounded out a couple of feet onto the ramp. Fortunately we have bricks left over from our extension and bits of MDF from the new kitchen. (now 3 years old) These were employed as ramps to lift the two front wheels enough to attach a tow rope to the front and winch the car on board. This was only the beginning, the diagnosis was to follow and it wasn’t looking good.
Tuesday came with a lovely sunny start. I dropped Michelle of at work using her car and then popped into the garage prepared for the worst. They hadn’t started looking at it yet so a stay of execution was issued. I had to pop into Portsmouth on an errand for Michelle and on my way back they garage called. My phone isn’t connected to Michelle’s hands free so I pulled over in Waterlooville and phoned them back. Apparently the depollution fault was caused by the EGC valve; which in itself would have been ok, alas the starter motor had disintegrated, the flywheel in the gear box was loose and the engine was locking up. Just to strip it down to ascertain the problem would cost a fortune and the car isn’t worth it.
Later, after picking Michelle up from work, we called into the garage. The options were discussed, burial, cremation or a Viking funeral. I think I may go for a simple ceremony, the sound of the funeral march is heard in the background as the body of the Peugeot is slowly lowered into the ground. A volley of shots is fired over the grave and the mourners disperse to the pub.
I’m buying German next time.
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